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BIGUN

JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

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Actually, I heard yours as "how many women does it take to change a light bulb"

Because
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. And that's not funny >:(
:P

So, to change directions --

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, if they're small

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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I'll probably get shit for this one. But remember I'm a girl ;)


How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Women can't change anything.




WHY do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

SO they're not mistaken for feminists!
"Even in a world where perfection is unattainable, there's still a difference between excellence and mediocrity." Gary73

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The pilot rushed by the 3 passengers with a parachute rig, and stated, “The plane is going down and the only option is to jump. We are one rig short…..sorry.”. The pilot went out the door. The 3 looked at each other. The first one to move was an engineer. He said, "I can contribute to all mankind with my skills, so I need to survive". As quick as he could, he was geared up, and out the door. This left a boy scout and an older preacher on the plane staring at each other. The old preacher took the lead and said, “Young man, if you will promise to give your life to God, serve Him all of you days, and take over where I am leaving off, you can take that last parachute and save your life. I have lived a good life and I am ready to be with the Lord”. The boy scout said, “Preacher, no need for that. That engineering just jumped out with my backpack”.
Instructor quote, “What's weird is that you're older than my dad!”

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I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few drinks........
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them screamed "It's WALES you IDIOT!"

So, I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

That's all I remember.....
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Guy gets pulled over. Cop comes over and says "You look like an out of towner, son. What's your name?"

"Werner Heisenberg," says the man.

"Where you from?"

"Los Alamos," the man says.

"Well, you in Georgia now. You know how fast you was goin?"

"Not any more," he says.

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Guy gets pulled over. Cop comes over and says "You look like an out of towner, son. What's your name?"

"Werner Heisenberg," says the man.

"Where you from?"

"Los Alamos," the man says.

"Well, you in Georgia now. You know how fast you was goin?"

"Not any more," he says.



:D
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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The pilot rushed by the 3 passengers with a parachute rig, and stated, “The plane is going down and the only option is to jump. We are one rig short…..sorry.”. The pilot went out the door. The 3 looked at each other. The first one to move was an engineer. He said, "I can contribute to all mankind with my skills, so I need to survive". As quick as he could, he was geared up, and out the door. This left a boy scout and an older preacher on the plane staring at each other. The old preacher took the lead and said, “Young man, if you will promise to give your life to God, serve Him all of you days, and take over where I am leaving off, you can take that last parachute and save your life. I have lived a good life and I am ready to be with the Lord”. The boy scout said, “Preacher, no need for that. That engineering just jumped out with my backpack”.



I remember that one being told with GW and the pope B|

and now the joke:

Blind guy walks into a bar. "Bartender would you like to hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies, "I'm a blonde, the bouncer is a blonde, & the weight lifter next to you is a blonde. Now, do you really want to tell that joke."

The guy thinks for a moment then replies, "Not if I'm going to have to explain it 3 times."
The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

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3 guys in savannah, walked up to a lion.
1st guy grabbed a rock and hit the lion's butt. Lion ran away.
2nd guy says: WOW, I'm impressed!

Those 3 then walked up to two lions, both 1st and 2nd guy rock-butt'em and made them run away too.

A while after, they've met a lion hurd.
1st and 2nd guy climbed up the tree, yelling to the 3rd guy down: Fool, Climb up! - they're gonna eat you

alive!

3rd guy says: Well, I didn't mess with them

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A man comes home from work to find his pregnant has gone into labor. Panicking, he calls the doctor and says "
Doctor doctor. You have to help me. My wife has gone into labor. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?
The doctor says " O.K. O.K. Please just try to calm down. First, I'll need to ask you a few questions. Is this her first child?"
The man replies, "no you idiot this is her husband"

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