JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

[SethInMI 145]

[Faicon9493 114]

A woman was mad at her husband because he was late coming home again. She decided to leave a note on the dresser in the bedroom that said, "I've had enough. I'm leaving your ass. Don't bother coming after me." When she heard his car pull in the driveway, she hid under the bed to see his reaction. She heard him go to the kitchen first, then, he came in the bedroom. She saw him pick up the note and read it. After a few minutes she sees him write something on the note. Then, he picked up his phone and called someone. He said, "Hey baby, she's finally gone. It's about time. Put on the cute dress I like and I'll be right over. I love you so much."  He grabbed his keys and left. She came out from under the bed very hurt and filled with rage. She walked over to the dresser and picked up the note to see what he wrote. The note said, "I can see your feet. We're out of bread and I'm going to the store. I'll be back in ten minutes."

[Divalent 89]

I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, 'Let's make this more interesting.'

So we stopped playing chess.

[Divalent 89]

Looking down the stairs at a football game, a fan spots an open seat on the 50-yard line. He asks the man sitting next to it if the seat is taken.      

"No," he replies. "I used to take my wife to all the games, 30+ years of seasons tickets, but she passed away, so her seat is now empty."

"Why don’t you invite a friend?"

"I can’t. They’re all at the funeral."

[Bigfalls 110]

A wife asks her husband, "If I died would you get remarried"

The husband says, "Well I guess possibly"

The wife asks, "Would you let her drive my new car"

The husband responds, "It is new and nice and would hate to let it go to waste"

The wife asks, "Would you let her cook in my new kitchen"

The husband replies, "We just remodeled it and would be a shame not to use it"

The wife asks, " Would you let her use my new golf clubs"

The husband replies, " Absolutely not, she's left handed"

[SethInMI 145]

fb throws weird shit at me all the time. normally it is mildly annoying, but occasionally it comes up with some good stuff though. I thought this was dark but quite funny.

 

[Faicon9493 114]

An engineer died and found himself standing before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. After looking through the Great Book, Saint Peter said, "I don't see your name. You can't enter." The engineer said, "I lived a good life. It must be a mistake. Please look again." After checking a second time, Saint Peter said, " Your name's not here. You have to go to the other place. A month later, God called Satan and asked, "How's everything going down there?" Satan said, "Everything's great! That engineer you sent down here a month ago is fantastic! The smoke is gone, we have escalators all over the place, and in two weeks, we're going to have air conditioning!" God said, "You weren't supposed to be getting an engineer. It has to be a mistake! Send him back right now!" Satan said, "No way!" God said, "If you don't send him back right now, I'll sue you!" Satan then said, "And where do you think you'll find a lawyer?"

[JerryBaumchen 1,048]

Hi folks,

I just noticed a change here.  If one does a LIKE, then they cannot open the QUOTE thingy to reply.

Jerry Baumchen

ETA:  Oops, in the wrong thread.

 

 

Edited December 9, 2023 by JerryBaumchen