BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

***Can't. Stop. Laughing.

The ultimate indignity. Killed by a bunch of wild pigs.



http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/wild-boars-overrun-islamic-state-position-kill-3-militants/ar-BBAmjUs

Fark.com: "Wild boars overrun Islamic State position, kill 3 militants. That'll do pigs, that'll do"




Would be nice if we could round up all the wild pigs and razorbacks, etc here in the US, and transport them to Afghanistan and Syria, and just drop them in on ISIS positions. Hey, anything to help!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,382]

Armed robbery at KCMO Jimmy Johns caught on camera

Blow the video up to full screen and take a close look at the condition of the gun: http://www.kwch.com/content/news/Jimmy-Johns-robbery-caught-on-camera-420659403.html


Perhaps it is a good idea to learn how to operate a gun before trying to commit a robbery with one.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

Beware the clandestine pussy shaver: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/04/28/virginia-police-investigating-unwanted-shaving-cats.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[oldwomanc6 38]

ryoder

Beware the clandestine pussy shaver: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/04/28/virginia-police-investigating-unwanted-shaving-cats.html

OK, this has just gotten into WTF territory.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[headoverheels 291]

oldwomanc6

***Beware the clandestine pussy shaver: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/04/28/virginia-police-investigating-unwanted-shaving-cats.html

OK, this has just gotten into WTF territory.

[ryoder 1,382]

oldwomanc6

***Beware the clandestine pussy shaver: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/04/28/virginia-police-investigating-unwanted-shaving-cats.html

OK, this has just gotten into WTF territory.

I'm thinking the cops should just put out an APB for anyone covered in cat scratches.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

So two American dudes open an American-style "Chinese" restaurant in ... Shanghai.

https://munchies.vice.com/en_us/article/china-doesnt-understand-the-concept-of-american-chinese-food

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

Not news: City repair crew replacing a water line.
News: http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/real-time/Wooden-water-mains-Spruce-Street-May-2017.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

Never bring a baseball bat to an MMA match: http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/08/driver-who-armed-himself-with-a-bat-in-road-rage-attack-instantly-regrets-it-6622811/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

That's a helluva way to go.

http://m.wbrc.com/myfoxal/db_330638/contentdetail.htm?full=true&contentguid=63lneZFU&pn=&ps=#display

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,382]

You know how it is when your neighbor bakes a batch of fresh brownies, but won't share?
http://metro.co.uk/video/bear-tries-break-home-woman-baking-brownies-1462433/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

$170K in Stolen Bees Recovered in 'Sting'
http://www.newser.com/story/242724/170k-in-stolen-bees-recovered-in-sting.html

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

Fark: Undercover cops discover that Nashville "church" is really a swingers club.
Say it was hard to tell since both are filled with people shouting "Oh God!"
http://nypost.com/2017/05/13/sex-club-posed-as-a-church-to-evade-the-cops-officials/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Phil1111 910]

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-39859939

[BillyVance 34]

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/man-sues-his-date-%e2%80%94-for-texting-during-a-movie/ar-BBBeOBb?li=BBnbcA1

What a fucking pussy. Whatever happened to just telling her "I'm done here" and moving on?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,382]

The guy standing on the left holding the large camera: Watch the GoPro attached to his chest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbEch_iZwqk

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[gowlerk 1,911]

And in Major Crime News, a Fugitive is loose:

http://time.com/4782402/girl-scout-leader-stolen-cookies/?xid=homepage

Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

[ryoder 1,382]

But what about the mantas with peanut allergies, you bastards?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6Z7WHwcio

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

There is now a musical show about "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkrelli: https://pharmabromusical.com/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[wolfriverjoe 1,340]

Canadians are nice folks.

Even Drunk Trespassers are.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[ryoder 1,382]

https://www.washingtonian.com/2017/05/22/diet-starts-monday-pop-up-bar-is-serving-bill-cosby-cocktails/

http://www.rawstory.com/2017/05/white-supremacist-converts-to-islam-then-kills-neo-nazi-pals-for-disrespecting-his-new-faith-police/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

https://www.washingtonian.com/2017/05/22/diet-starts-monday-pop-up-bar-is-serving-bill-cosby-cocktails/

http://www.rawstory.com/2017/05/white-supremacist-converts-to-islam-then-kills-neo-nazi-pals-for-disrespecting-his-new-faith-police/

Damn it. You beat me to the nazi convert story.

That was some fucked up shit. Weird he didn't kill anybody until AFTER he converted.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,382]

http://actoutwithaislinn.bangordailynews.com/2017/05/22/recreation/four-baby-squirrels-with-tails-tangled-together-rescued-by-bangor-men/

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,382]

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/truck-plows-analtech-odor-leads-hazmat-situation-article-1.3189762

On other news, there really is a company named AnalTech.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Stumpy 256]

ryoder

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/truck-plows-analtech-odor-leads-hazmat-situation-article-1.3189762

On other news, there really is a company named AnalTech.

The language used in the report MUST be taking the piss:

"At approximately 6:30 a.m. Monday, a car crash involving two pickup trucks sent one of the vehicles inside the AnalTech building of Newark, Del., leaving a giant hole.

The truck damaged the facility's laboratory and caused an odor to emanate from the cavity"

Never try to eat more than you can lift