3 3
BillyVance

BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

Recommended Posts

ryoder

Man has 6-inch shower head removed from his rectum
https://nypost.com/2018/05/29/man-has-six-inch-shower-head-removed-from-his-rectum/:S

“History is often ambiguous and incomplete due to a high level of embarrassment and social stigma attached to the condition. The same was seen in our case. Though the patient reported accidental insertion of the shower head and denied voluntary insertion, there is a high suspicion of voluntary insertion for auto-erotic purpose.”



In alt.folklore.urban we'd get people posting about things like the guy who accidentally shot his own dick. The story was that he woke up and was really groggy and saw someone in his bedroom doorway. He pulled a 22 out of somewhere and shot, only to discover that what he was looking at was his dick and he'd just shot it.
When anyone would call bullshit on it they'd back it up with a copy of the police report. They honestly thought that that made it true. The one I'm talking about here happened in Logan Oh and I worked with some guys up there. Mr. Penis was showing himself to the wrong woman. Her husband put a 22 round through the guy's dick and promised that if he turned him in or saw his wife again he'd come back with a 12 gauge.
There was another one making the rounds, this one even ended up in News of the Weird now and then about a guy who accidentally cut his hand off, in several places if I remember correctly, using a radial arm saw. The pain was so bad, he said, that he tried to kill himself by shooting nails into his head from a nail gun. Short nails, nothing lethal.
Whenever that showed up in mainstream news we'd get flooded with that one along with proof in the form of a police report.
I can just see Paulie and Silvio from The Sopranos cutting him up then a few nails, warning him that if he didn't pay the $50k he owed in gambling debts they'd come back and cut more off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/driver-rescued-after-bizarre-car-crash-in-sydney-s-cbd-20180531-p4ziky.html

"Thankfully he’s in good spirits," Mr Talbot said, adding that the valet had been offered the rest of the day off.

I'm thinking I'd be "offering" him a hell of a lot more time off than that.>:(
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Word was that the driver lost his transmission and it only worked in reverse so he wanted to get out of traffic. I know that intersection and ramp very well, that's a typical morning rush hour there, another 100 yards up and he would have needed to park right there in the right lane since the shoulder goes to nothing. I am honestly surprised that ODOT did not have a sheriff there since there is a substation only about a mile away.
Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PhreeZone

Word was that the driver lost his transmission and it only worked in reverse so he wanted to get out of traffic. I know that intersection and ramp very well, that's a typical morning rush hour there, another 100 yards up and he would have needed to park right there in the right lane since the shoulder goes to nothing. I am honestly surprised that ODOT did not have a sheriff there since there is a substation only about a mile away.



The funny thing is how often I want to do the same thing instead of going clear around to the BP station.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Is it wrong for me to be disappointed that this guy didn't go on a destructive rampage with this APC with tank tracks? :S:D

A first lieutenant even!

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virginia-armouredvehicle/soldier-steals-armored-vehicle-takes-it-on-two-hour-ride-in-virginia-police-idUSKCN1J20EZ

We all remember Shawn Nelson's tank rampage in San Diego. Oh, and Marvin Heemeyer's armored bulldozer rampage in Granby, CO.

They were Gods of destruction! :S:D
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BillyVance

Oh, and Marvin Heemeyer's armored bulldozer rampage in Granby, CO.



Speaking of him, I just recently learned:

A book has been published: https://killdozerbook.com/

A film in in the works: https://colorado.ourcommunitynow.com/2018/05/04/killdozer-movie/

And if you want to listen to the hours of audio tape he mailed just before the rampage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyeD5OwKp5A
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BillyVance


My God, I would love to hear the video interview from the ketchup thrower. That would be an instant hit alongside the "Ain't nobody got time for that" lady.
"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DJL


My God, I would love to hear the video interview from the ketchup thrower. That would be an instant hit alongside the "Ain't nobody got time for that" lady.

Yeah or the Lincoln Park dude, or the homeless guy with a hatchet. :D
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryoder


That's the most fight I've seen out of the Florida Gators in a long time! :D
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bob_Church


The final statement was

"A short time later St. Paul Public works announced that the raccoon was no longer stranded."

That could mean a couple of things.

Maybe in a brief moment of self-delusion Rocky Raccoon imagined himself as Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
muff528


The final statement was

"A short time later St. Paul Public works announced that the raccoon was no longer stranded."

That could mean a couple of things.

Maybe in a brief moment of self-delusion Rocky Raccoon imagined himself as Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

Or worse, for a brief period of time he was.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
He made it to the roof!

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jun/12/raccoon-climbs-building-skyscraper-st-louis-minnesota-twitter

I'm guessing he is probably now being deluged by Hollywood agents competing for the film rights to his story.:D
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bob_Church

***>I'm guessing he is probably now being deluged by Hollywood agents competing for the film
>rights to his story.

Hope his story doesn't inspire copycat raccoon climbing.



The fame might not, but the cat food definitely will.

I used to have a stray cat hanging around my house. Wouldn't let me near it, but I knew it would control the rodent population. It looked hungry so I left cat food out for it. Well we ended up having raccoons mooching the food so I put a stop to that.
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

3 3