BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

[ryoder 1,381]

Bob_Church

And then there are these pre-digested bombs.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pork-falls-from-sky-lands-on-home-travis-adair-florida-mystery/

So we have evidence that pigs fly.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Bob_Church 7]

ryoder

***
And then there are these pre-digested bombs.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pork-falls-from-sky-lands-on-home-travis-adair-florida-mystery/

So we have evidence that pigs fly.

I think they're like me, they can fly a little but can't land for squat. I'm legendary for my bad landings.

[JohnMitchell 14]

Yep, those were from slow leaks of malfunctioning holding tank drain valves. At altitude, the blue water would freeze in the breeze like a giant, windblown icicle, until it got heavy enough to break off and fall to earth.

Many, many years ago, the Ford Trimotor had a bathroom that emptied straight down to the sky, just like the old school train toilets.

[BillyVance 34]

Well played....

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/man-fools-officers-with-car-made-of-snow-gets-fake-parking-ticket/ar-AAuS4We?li=BBnbfcL

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Bob_Church 7]

JohnMitchell

Yep, those were from slow leaks of malfunctioning holding tank drain valves. At altitude, the blue water would freeze in the breeze like a giant, windblown icicle, until it got heavy enough to break off and fall to earth.

Many, many years ago, the Ford Trimotor had a bathroom that emptied straight down to the sky, just like the old school train toilets.

I wonder if they had a similar sign. "Do not use while aircraft is is on tarmac"

[ryoder 1,381]

Hitchhikers are getting clever:
https://jalopnik.com/owl-stuck-in-suv-grille-during-160-mile-ride-should-be-1822243727

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Man arrested for DUI after trying to order a Taco Bell burrito at a bank drive through.

http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2018/01/19/man-tries-to-order-taco-bell-at-drive-thru-bank-teller-gets-arrested-for-dui.html

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[JohnMitchell 14]

Bob_Church

***Yep, those were from slow leaks of malfunctioning holding tank drain valves. At altitude, the blue water would freeze in the breeze like a giant, windblown icicle, until it got heavy enough to break off and fall to earth.

Many, many years ago, the Ford Trimotor had a bathroom that emptied straight down to the sky, just like the old school train toilets.

I wonder if they had a similar sign. "Do not use while aircraft is is on tarmac"

Yeah, wouldn't that be embarrassing?

I remember those signs on some Italian trains even 12-13 years ago.

[Bob_Church 7]

JohnMitchell

******Yep, those were from slow leaks of malfunctioning holding tank drain valves. At altitude, the blue water would freeze in the breeze like a giant, windblown icicle, until it got heavy enough to break off and fall to earth.

Many, many years ago, the Ford Trimotor had a bathroom that emptied straight down to the sky, just like the old school train toilets.

I wonder if they had a similar sign. "Do not use while aircraft is is on tarmac"

Yeah, wouldn't that be embarrassing?

I remember those signs on some Italian trains even 12-13 years ago.

Or imagine DEA rushing the plane as it sits there and a key of cocaine drops out of the toilet right in front of them. Oops.

[ryoder 1,381]

Bob_Church

*********Yep, those were from slow leaks of malfunctioning holding tank drain valves. At altitude, the blue water would freeze in the breeze like a giant, windblown icicle, until it got heavy enough to break off and fall to earth.

Many, many years ago, the Ford Trimotor had a bathroom that emptied straight down to the sky, just like the old school train toilets.

I wonder if they had a similar sign. "Do not use while aircraft is is on tarmac"

Yeah, wouldn't that be embarrassing?

I remember those signs on some Italian trains even 12-13 years ago.

Or imagine DEA rushing the plane as it sits there and a key of cocaine drops out of the toilet right in front of them. Oops.

This story is from a friend who is a long-time boater:

He was out water-skiing in one of his boats one morning with a GF and another couple. The female partner of the other couple began complaining she needed a restroom. He told her the SOP was to hop in the water, hang on to the side of the stationary boat, and take care of business.

"No, no! I can't do that! It would be too embarrassing!"

So she held it in as they headed to the nearest marina where he needed to put fuel in the boat. Now this marina had a dock at the shore, which was elevated about 3 feet above the water. On top of the dock was a gas pump, and (conveniently) a restroom right there on the dock. So little Miss Bashful disappeared in the restroom. A few moments later, the people still in the boat noticed a stream of water appear under the dock, followed by:

"Plop...plop...SPLASH!"

When she reappeared a few minutes later, and returned to the boat, she found her boat-mates folded over in hysterical laughter.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,381]

Brain put in wrong body among mortuary failures

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-42500457

This reminds me of something:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9MKDWvtk6Q

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ryoder 1,381]

The Gods Must Be Crazy

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/villagers-mistake-frozen-aeroplane-poo-asteroid-take-pieces-home-keep-1656154

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

Whoops!

https://www.sfgate.com/weird/amp/India-airline-poop-meteor-asteroids-12515588.php?__twitter_impression=true

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,381]

Mr Weed caught hanging out with Mr Heroin and Mr Fentanyl
http://www.registercitizen.com/news/article/Police-Torrington-man-caught-with-heroin-12515794.php

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[gowlerk 1,903]

The French just love to riot. I think it's the National Pastime over there. But usually they chose sometime more substantial to fight over. This is a little like a southern Ohio Walmart on Black Friday.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-42826028

[ryoder 1,381]

gowlerk

The French just love to riot. I think it's the National Pastime over there. But usually they chose sometime more substantial to fight over. This is a little like a southern Ohio Walmart on Black Friday.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-42826028

Oh, for chrissake!
I though the French were known for healthy eating.
Nutella ingredients, in order of predominance:
1. Sugar (55%)
2. vegetable oil
3. hazelnuts (13%)
4. cocoa powder (7.4%)
5. non-fat milk solids
6. emulsifier (soy lecithin)
7. flavour (vanillin)

In other words, it is just spreadable milk chocolate with nut flavoring added.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[kuai43 7]

ryoder

Wildest one I've seen lately is this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3043933/Daughter-16-mother-threw-drunken-party-played-naked-Twister-jumps-defense-Twitter.html

Read the whole story.
If you haven't read "10-inch", you haven't read far enough.

Clearly, I'm late to the party (not unusual), but am I the only one who noticed that the mother is quoted as saying she is 'working to put it behind her'?

For those too lazy to click..

...the mother had allowed teenagers to drink and smoke marijuana in front of her before they played the game of (naked) Twister and she had sex with an 18-year-old in the bathroom.
She then allegedly returned and used her sex toys in front of the teenagers and showed her daughter photographs of her having sex with her boyfriend, Augusta Crime reported.
Later, when she was asleep, she felt the 16-year-old having sex with her, the sponsor said.
The girl later told her mother that she felt guilty because his 10-inch penis was too big for her, so he had to have sex with her mom instead, according to a police report.

Every fight is a food fight if you're a cannibal

Goodness is something to be chosen. When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man. - Anthony Burgess

[Bob_Church 7]

kuai43

***Wildest one I've seen lately is this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3043933/Daughter-16-mother-threw-drunken-party-played-naked-Twister-jumps-defense-Twitter.html

Read the whole story.
If you haven't read "10-inch", you haven't read far enough.

Clearly, I'm late to the party (not unusual), but am I the only one who noticed that the mother is quoted as saying she is 'working to put it behind her'?

For those too lazy to click..

...the mother had allowed teenagers to drink and smoke marijuana in front of her before they played the game of (naked) Twister and she had sex with an 18-year-old in the bathroom.
She then allegedly returned and used her sex toys in front of the teenagers and showed her daughter photographs of her having sex with her boyfriend, Augusta Crime reported.
Later, when she was asleep, she felt the 16-year-old having sex with her, the sponsor said.
The girl later told her mother that she felt guilty because his 10-inch penis was too big for her, so he had to have sex with her mom instead, according to a police report.

Damn. One of the strangest things about this, to me, is that people have actually reached the point where they think they can improve things by taking something like this to social media. Yeh, that's going to help. It's like that great poster says "now would be a great time for a big old cup of shut the f... up."

[Bob_Church 7]

ryoder

************Yep, those were from slow leaks of malfunctioning holding tank drain valves. At altitude, the blue water would freeze in the breeze like a giant, windblown icicle, until it got heavy enough to break off and fall to earth.

Many, many years ago, the Ford Trimotor had a bathroom that emptied straight down to the sky, just like the old school train toilets.

I wonder if they had a similar sign. "Do not use while aircraft is is on tarmac"

Yeah, wouldn't that be embarrassing?

I remember those signs on some Italian trains even 12-13 years ago.

Or imagine DEA rushing the plane as it sits there and a key of cocaine drops out of the toilet right in front of them. Oops.

This story is from a friend who is a long-time boater:

He was out water-skiing in one of his boats one morning with a GF and another couple. The female partner of the other couple began complaining she needed a restroom. He told her the SOP was to hop in the water, hang on to the side of the stationary boat, and take care of business.

"No, no! I can't do that! It would be too embarrassing!"

So she held it in as they headed to the nearest marina where he needed to put fuel in the boat. Now this marina had a dock at the shore, which was elevated about 3 feet above the water. On top of the dock was a gas pump, and (conveniently) a restroom right there on the dock. So little Miss Bashful disappeared in the restroom. A few moments later, the people still in the boat noticed a stream of water appear under the dock, followed by:

"Plop...plop...SPLASH!"

When she reappeared a few minutes later, and returned to the boat, she found her boat-mates folded over in hysterical laughter.


This one is hard to believe but I saw it myself. I was working in Pomeroy Ohio in the early 80s and we went to the brand new Pizza Hut. And I do mean Pizza Hut, not some local knockoff but a real Pizza Hut. Pomeroy is a river town and you had the option to eat outside on nice days. There was a set of steep wooden steps down to a dock with a roof and tables. This was Pizza Hut's, with their sign on it and everything. And right next to the dock, right about head level when sitting at one of the tables eating, was a four inch white pipe coming out of the ground. And every time someone flushed the commode in Pizza Hut's bathroom it would plop out right there, at face height. The EPA got word of it and made them switch over to real, legal, sewer system, this was even reported in the paper, but how did they ever think they could get away with that, let alone that it was a good way to get customers to come back?

[ryoder 1,381]

It's hard to believe this is real: http://digg.com/video/shower-rat

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

It's hard to believe this is real: http://digg.com/video/shower-rat

And this package thief walked off into instant karma... and still made it off with the packages thanks to her man.

http://digg.com/video/ups-delivery-instant-karma

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[DJL 232]

BillyVance

***It's hard to believe this is real: http://digg.com/video/shower-rat

And this package thief walked off into instant karma... and still made it off with the packages thanks to her man.

http://digg.com/video/ups-delivery-instant-karma

Yeah, that's a broken ass leg. Maybe she should've stolen some milk instead.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[ryoder 1,381]

The single-engine Cessna 172 with three people on board, including the pilot, landed safely..."

Uh, the photo does not show what I call "landed safely".

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/small-plane-forced-emergency-landing-long-island-beach-article-1.3785826

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

ryoder

The single-engine Cessna 172 with three people on board, including the pilot, landed safely..."

Uh, the photo does not show what I call "landed safely".

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/small-plane-forced-emergency-landing-long-island-beach-article-1.3785826

Well... if the occupants got out of the plane without injury, I'd say the statement sort of qualifies.

I remember being in a 182 on the way to altitude as a new jumper and watching another small plane attempting to land on the runway, downwind. The pilot ran off the end of the runway into the freshly plowed field and promptly flipped over just like that plane in the link.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[ryoder 1,381]

BillyVance

***It's hard to believe this is real: http://digg.com/video/shower-rat

And this package thief walked off into instant karma... and still made it off with the packages thanks to her man.

http://digg.com/video/ups-delivery-instant-karma

Package thief who took bad fall in Bothell identified
http://www.king5.com/article/news/crime/package-thief-who-took-bad-fall-in-bothell-identified/281-512145265

The homeowner is frustrated by the loss and says one box contained a special medication. Insurance pays for some of it, but it doesn't cover replacements.

The homeowner says it’s worth more than $5,000 and he doesn't feel any sympathy for the woman who fell.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.