Explaining BASE to your family

[Bigwallmaster 0]

My folks are stubborn people.

I have had a strong interest in BASE since I was a kid, having watched it on "That's Incredible". When I was 15 or so I saw that famous Discovery Channel special with Moe and his cronies. I remember recording that show and watching it over and over, studying everything I could at the time. I wanted to know more about BASE. My mom was the only person who was aware of my "obsessing" over BASE. I would always stop her a few seconds to watch a clip of the video.

A few years back when I started skydiving, my Mom asked why I was pursuing "something so dangerous." My motivation for skydiving was BASE, and I told her then that I had intended to start BASE after I gained enough experience.

Several years have passed and I am now planning on doing an FJC in the coming months. I have showed my family tons of BASE video from all the over the world, including the bridge in potato land where I'll eventually do an FJC. When showing them the bridge footage I tried to the best of my ability to explain the dangers involved, and that alot of people die BASE jumping.

I then told them why BASE is something I want to pursue.

My question is: Is that enough? Is there anything I should do to inform my family? How did you explain BASE to your family? Do you ever have feelings of quitting BASE because of your family's dislike of the sport?

J.P.

[lifewithoutanet 0]

Yo, JP.
Straightforward and forthright is the only way to go. You know your instructor is going to make you write a letter to your family, explaining your desire to BASE. I'd start there. You don't necessarily need to show it to them, but it's the closest thing I've written to a suicide letter and I've rewritten it a couple of times, then used the thoughts it provoked to have a conversation with my folks and brothers. I've found you can't just have it once. Follow up after a few months, just try not to make it seem like you're dwelling on your own death. You just need to prepare them.
I'm sure some people will disagree w/ me on this, but don't make it all doomsday, either. After you've gotten some more experience, explain it again and let them know what it gives you. If you just focus on the macabre, that's all they'll see.
-C.

Edit: PS Check The BASE Wiki. It has some good info.

[JaapSuter 0]

Hey JP,

It's tough man. I had a lot of trouble over it, but in the end it was worth it. For me it was the last big conflict I needed to have with my parents to mark a point in time that seperates the child from the independent grown up.

Some people do it over drugs, others get pregnant. I used BASE...
There is some advice on the WIKI as Collin pointed out, but unfortunately it won't make the struggle easier. Just remember that there are thousands of brothers and sisters out there that do understand you.

We're explorers, you're born with the blood or not. You can't explain it.

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PS Check Jaap's BASE Wiki. It has some good info.

It's not my wiki, it's our wiki. We all own it.

[RayLosli 11]

J.P.
"Do you ever have feelings of quitting BASE because of your family's dislike of the sport? "
-
Dude if you quit BASE most likely it won't be for the dislike of your family or there concerns for your health. Real BASE Jumpers don't give a fuck what family thinks of them jumping.
It's the Opposite. Quitting will likely be (Your alone) decision made. For putting the ones most closest to you in life through all the worry and fear every time you BASE jump.
I being void of all feelings. believe they call this. GUILT !
If you plan on being a real BASE jumper. I suggest you drop your Feelings OFF. In the nearest Trash Can.
.

[Bigwallmaster 0]

I being void of all feelings. . . .If you plan on being a real BASE jumper. I suggest you drop your Feelings OFF. In the nearest Trash Can.

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Ray,

Thank you for your response.

I've read alot of your posts on DZ.com and I respect your opinion and will take what you have said to heart, as I do understand the point you are trying to emphasize.

Equally, I will agree that an integral part of the sport demands that the jumper ignore the opinions of unsupportive loved ones. But. . . .I call bullshit on the above statement and I think it's ridiculous. Everyone experiences emotional response, even if they're afraid to admit it. And I guess if they don't admit it and claim to be "devoid of all feelings", then they can come be part of your "real BASE jumper" club!


Cheers,

J.P.

[Bigwallmaster 0]

JAAP,

Thanks for the words bro.

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For me it was the last big conflict I needed to have with my parents to mark a point in time that seperates the child from the independent grown up.
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Reply:

Man this definately seems to be the case with me too. My folks have never liked the climbing, and BASE is a whole other story.

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Just remember that there are thousands of brothers and sisters out there that do understand you.

We're explorers, you're born with the blood or not. You can't explain it.

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Reply:

There is alot of truth here Jaap; definately helps to be reminded of this.



Cheers,

J.P.

[Faber 0]

Beening honnest to your family should be a bare minimum of what ALL people does. lying to anyone will always go back at you.

Personaly im 29years,in my 2.nd marriedge i have 2 kids,my wife has 2 kids.I were injuryed once were i thourght i had a chance of dying(not from my injury but from beeing cold-i dunno the word),that were at my jump 30..

I have always showed my loved once how much i like this sport and the freinds i have here.
To me its more like a lifestyle,and by beeing honnest and showing my family my happy face on the edge has dont that my mom is cool about it(well not as cool as Dexters mom,but hey)
I have 2 sisters that already has seen me jump,my dad will see his first live BASE whith in this week(unless this snowstorm continiues),my mom will never see me do a BASE(i cant put her in that risk).

My dad often lurk at the forums seeing what were up to.

All that as i have been honest about it.

They also understand as im sad when i loose a freind or if im concerned as they get injuryed.

I have done alot to show them how much we prepare(shut up guys yes i did one nice pack job and then? he he),i even took my dad out scooping out an A i then jumped later that nite..

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Is there anything I should do to inform my family? How did you explain BASE to your family? Do you ever have feelings of quitting BASE because of your family's dislike of the sport?

i think its imporant you explain them that you do this as you want to.write it down in a letter aswell...

i dont think people dislike BASE,theyre sacred of seeing you getting hurt or killed.
If your not ready to give them that kind of pain then you should reconsider if you want to BASE,so in that way Ray said somthing right indeed,we all find our own ways of dealing whith theese things.

Sounds however like you have the right attitude..

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[RayLosli 11]

bigwallmaster:
. . ." I call bullshit on the above statement and I think it's ridiculous. Everyone experiences emotional response, even if they're afraid to admit it"
-
-
Accusing Me of having Feelings. No Way ! . BullShit, you say ?
I assure you that the couple Feelings that I have @ this moment. Are Not Mine !
I think somebody dropped them. I found them lying on the Sidewalk Yesterday.
I will be returning them to there rightful owner as soon as I can locate them.
.
But Really. If you can't drop your Feelings in the Trash from time to time. How do you expect to ever make it in BASE ?
If You are really -In Touch- with your Emotions of Caring about wellbeing of yourself and others. Then you Will Not BASE jump.
I call BullShit. to YOU. It does not make any sense. In BASE you are Totally in it For Yourself.
When you step-off & exit. there is nothing but self-indulgence of the highest gluttony You could possibly imagine.
If you start to BASE jump. Be prepared to NEVER get your fill. You will always be hungry and in it totally for yourself and your next BASE jump.
If you are totally aware of the Dangers involved in BASE and there possible consequences to loved one. How can you say. You Care ?
.

[jonstark 8]

Have you, being a "Bigwall Master", explained to your parents why you might do A5 aid climbing or freesolo for that matter? It's the same difference. They may not really have any understanding of just what you're up to. I think the perception of BASE as that much more dangerous is just based on the lack of reality that the general public has with the sport. A5 and freesolo, you fall you die, is pretty much the same but with climbing people think they know a little about it and accept it for it's riskiness without judging it as crazy.

Acceptance of BASE is going to be based on your explanations. Give them the data to make their own opinions and then it's up to you to engage in the sport on your own terms. They stand informed if you so choose.

Some choose not to explain it and have, in the back of their minds, the fact that if they go-in their family will have to deal with the terrific surprise of their demise. The jumpers mates will also ahve to deal with the family and without foreknowledge of the jumpers activities they will have a really tough time.

[Bigwallmaster 0]

But Really. If you can't drop your Feelings in the Trash from time to time. How do you expect to ever make it in BASE ?
If You are really -In Touch- with your Emotions of Caring about wellbeing of yourself and others. Then you Will Not BASE jump.

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Agreed. You make a valid point, Ray. BASE is about selfishness. But I think a more accurate statement is to say that hardcore BASE jumpers have these feelings, but are able to mindfully put them aside to indulge in the sport. And the jumper who can't put them aside will either quit or will continually struggle with this dilemma. But to say someone is a not a real BASE jumper if they are having these feelings is a bit of a stretch if you ask me.

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If you are totally aware of the Dangers involved in BASE and there possible consequences to loved one. How can you say. You Care ?
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You're right! And I guess this is the great difficulty. I care about my family very much, but I'm still going to BASE for my own emotional well being. It's something I like and want to do before I die. But at the same time I feel it is important to explain to them that I am aware of their concern for my well being, as a means of maintaining a good relationship with them. As opposed to saying "I don't give a fuck what you guys think."

Again Ray, I read most of your posts and have nothing but respect for you, and your knowledge of BASE. I appreciate your response; it has certainly helped me consider the "other" things that come along with BASE. Perhaps this conversation would be better a discussed over a cold beer sometime.

Cheers,

J.P.

[RayLosli 11]

..."But to say someone is a not a real BASE jumper if they are having these feelings is a bit of a stretch if you ask me. "
-

OK, First thing you must learn as a BASE jumper. NEVER admit to anything. Even possession of Feelings.
..................................


" Again Ray, I read most of your posts and have nothing but respect for you, and your knowledge of BASE."
-

Do you know what you just said ??? . (please rethink)
Dude! This is such a Sad, Sad day indeed for BASE. When I am Looked Up To, as being BASE knowledgeable or shown any Respect on anything. (you are making me look bad)
This proves beyond a doubt. You are In Need of HARD-CORE, BASE training. To Harden your Ass up and to beat the last little bit of Feeling out of you. Because you are spending WAY to Much Time on this fucking thing called Cyber-BASE ZONE for real life BASE information.
My advise to you is. Toss your useless Feelings in the Trash. Buy A BASE Rig. Tell everyone you Love to PissOff. GO Hang out with some REAL BASE Jumpers. then make a BASE jump.....
.
.
edit to add:
Hey, Even if I did put a some fucking Sick cute little, winky, pc correct, smiley icon at the end of the post.
Does not mean that you should not take my advise seriously.
.

[Bigwallmaster 0]

ha ha ha.

Word!

[RhondaLea 3]

Stop fuckin' with him, Ray.

Edited to add: Never mind. But I'm going to leave my comment anyway...for the next time.

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[KMonster 0]

My family was very unaccepting of BASE in the beginning, you aren't alone. Points that I tried to explain to them were that I am very meticulus in assessing conditions, packing, etc and that we are not the cowboys that are portrayed in the media. I am constantly learning, seeking out more knowledge and that I understand and accept the risks involved and always try to minimize them. I love the people I have come to know in this community and that BASE jumping enriches my life in a way that I can't really explain.

I didn't bring up BASE around my family very much, my dad had/has an especially hard time with it. As time goes on though, I find that once in awhile he will bring it up and ask a question, or ask to see a picture. I am to the point where I can show about 15min of video to them before it's too much. They just love my and don't want me to get hurt, your parents probably feel the same way.

It has been a little over 2 years now and I think my parents have come to realize that this isn't a little phase, that I genuinely love BASE and that it has brought a lot to my life. They don't like it, but they have learned to accept it.

I guess what I'm saying it that if you are having problems with your parents, don't give up. Give them time and they may or may not just come around on their own.

[littlestranger 0]

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My question is: Is that enough?

It has to be. If the BASE experience is something you desire you're gonna do it anyway, despite the obstacles. I'm a mom, I have responsibilities that in a perfect world dictate that I have no business jumping BASE. But you know, I want to live my life as if each day is a fucking gift. Whether I die jumping, or if I die in a nursing home living in the past...it's all good.

[georgyporgy 0]

I told my family that I was getting into BASE before doing the FJC. My sister understands the risks of the sport and why I'm doing it. My dad, on the other hand doesn't want to hear about it. It's too painful to hear about the possibility of losing his child. I've explained to him my approach to BASE and I've left it at that.

The part they do understand is I've tried a variety of things to keep myself busy through school, work, flying, and skydiving so my mind stays off of BASE. It doesn't work. They understand my emotional involvement with BASE. They know that it is more important for me to live more fully at a higher risk instead of trying to keep myself alive for them.

the ground IS the limit

[georgechurchill 0]

Hi JP.
This is a topic very close to my heart...

I try to tell myself that it won't happen to me, but deep down I am very aware that it is probably going to happen to me at some point. I intend to jump till I'm too old to climb the objects, that probably mean that I will be lucky / very skilled / have good judgment to make it till then. The reason I try to Kidd myself is not because I am scared of dying or death, but of what it will do to those people close to me

Not so long back me and my friend Sean went on a two day bender on the spur of the moment. Both our mobiles ran out of power. Anyway to cut a long story short I was meant to be at my mum’s for Sunday lunch but didn’t turn up till Monday afternoon and hadn't rang.

When I picked up the voice mail she left me it sent shivers down my spine, she was crying her eyes out down the phone and was absolutely at the end of her wick. It really made me think very hard about my jumping.

In the end I decided that I can't stop jumping because a part of me would die and I would suffer for it. What I can do is make a deal with myself that I take care on all my jumps, never suck it down low just cause you like the ground rush. Never rush a pack job, don't do a jump that is too hard core, walk down if the conditions are not right.

I have told her all this and she's as accepting as she can be. I also now make sure I ring if she is expecting me and I'm gonna be late!

Good luck with your guilt!
G

http://georgechurchill.blogspot.com

[ultraviolet 0]

Forget all that letter writing and video watching. Just bring your family or loved ones out and let them watch you do a jump. Show them your gear and explain to them how it all works. At least for me, the more my folks understand about the sport, the less they worry. My Mom is always on the lookout for new exit points.

[Bigwallmaster 0]

Thanks for the post. I can relate, as this is very much how my family is. . . .at times. I used to spend my summers doing walls in "the valley" and it just drove everyone in my family nuts, with the exception of my sister. She is the one person that has always trusted in my abilities to do things in as safe and conservative manner that the situation warrants. She was watching INHD the other night and saw some Red Bull related BASE jumping show, and she called me just say how fascinated she was with BASE, however she did say she felt it was maybe too risky. Now of course I had to explain to her that it would be quite awhile before I am ready for Moab, but that like alot sports there is a progression of skill that is usually aided with the help of those with more experience. This seemed to quell her nerves a little.

I will say that reading everyone's posts and seeing how everyone else handles this subject is more than helpful. Keep em comin'.

Cheers and Happy New Year!

J.P.

[RhondaLea 3]

By the time I started skydiving, the relationship I had established with my parents was "It's my life to live, not yours, and while I'm okay with having an adult conversation, if you try to parent me, I'm out of here."

I know my mother worried, especially during the third weekends of October '97 and '98, but all she said was, "Be careful." She watched the videos and sighed, although she and my father admitted it looked pretty interesting.

But the other side of that is this: I have a daughter who is older than some of you. She has only ever made one jump (a skydive, of course), and I paid for it.

I was a wreck. It was the strangest thing, because I taught her from an early age that "We are all on the straight road to death from the moment we are born. The only thing that counts is how we live in the meantime." She always understood that one can die jumping--she has as many dead friends as I do, and one of her closest skydiving friends died while she watched--but even though she told me to be careful (and criticized me roundly if I screwed up even in a minor way), she never objected to my jumping or suggested that I shouldn't, even though I'm pretty sure she was sometimes fearful of what would happen to her if something happened to me.

When she made that lone jump, I did not perform half so well for her as she always did for me. I think there are two reasons for that, but only one which is useful. This "being a parent" thing is hard, because no matter how big they get, what happens to your children happens no less to you. To allow our children to grow, we parents have to somehow distance ourselves from that feeling, because the compulsion to keep our children safe is paramount. It's terrifying, and logic does not apply.

The other reason is that I came late to what I taught her early. She just grew up with the idea that it's better to have a short, happy life than a long, miserable one. But the other thing that parents want for their children is that they should have good and fulfilling lives, and if you can make a case for that--that you need to jump to make your life worthwhile, then it's a good part of the battle of bringing them to acceptance.

All that said, if Legg ever makes good on his promise (made when she was about 12 or 13) to put her off a bridge, I'll probably have to be sedated.

You may never be able to convince your family of anything, but the purpose of having children is not to live their lives for them. Sometimes parents forget that. Perhaps you should remind them.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[Bigwallmaster 0]

You may never be able to convince your family of anything, but the purpose of having children is not to live their lives for them. Sometimes parents forget that. Perhaps you should remind them.

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Nothing short of brilliant here RL. I think just about everyone can relate to this.
J.P.

[base736 0]

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Just bring your family or loved ones out and let them watch you do a jump. Show them your gear and explain to them how it all works.

I think that's probably a great idea, but for what I feel is a more positive reason... While I'm generally a very happy, positive guy, me at the bottom of a jump makes that pale by comparison. I'm not sure anybody who cares about me could watch a jump, talk to me at the bottom, and not immediately know why I did it.

I also don't think anybody who really cares could help but be a little concerned for my safety -- I know I am. That much is their job, and I'm glad they're doing it.

[jdatc 0]

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In BASE you are Totally in it For Yourself.
When you step-off & exit. there is nothing but self-indulgence of the highest gluttony You could possibly imagine.....
If you are totally aware of the Dangers involved in BASE and there possible consequences to loved one. How can you say. You Care ?

I am bringing this thread back up because I had another falling out with the family (mom) tonight. Unfortunately, I have been present at the last 2 fatalities, and my Mom is well aware of it. I am completely independent of my family, as I have a good job and am geographically seperated from them.

I like Ray's advice though as it rings true. Being an asshole helps as well I've found.

I have been honest about BASE with her, the risks, etc, but I leave for Moab tuesday and she is having a hard time.... especially with the latest 2 fatalities.

My question is, those of you that have met such familyresistance with honesty, does it ever get easier?

Or should I just say fuck it, and give up and just stop telling her about BASE jumping? I thought honesty was the best policy, but it is proving increasingly difficult to the point I should just tell her after my trips.

_justin

[Calvin19 0]

I love my Family, a lot. My mom and dad did everything for me. and they have accepted that i BASE jump. but i didnt break it to them nicely. One day, I left for the perrine bridge without telling them. after my first 'deathcamp', i walked into my house and told my mom that i had been BASE jumping. she told me that i needed to stop, and never do it again. but i told her that i wouldnt. and that there is no way she could get me to stop, and that she should know that. it took her a year to accept it. She did threaten to kick me out of the house that night, being that i was barely 18. but the next morning she said she wouldnt have.

[mtnlion667 0]

Justin,
I have the same problem.... yet I continually try to be honest w/my familly and share my passion w/them. sometimes love is blind, and they will never see your side regardless of the joy it brings you. we are selfish in our pursuit of life satisfaction, and they are selfish in their desire for our longevity. I don't know wether to convince them or hide it from them....?

"Faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death."
Hunter S. Thompson