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JaapSuter

Base and Parents

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Hey,

I finally managed to scrape the courage together to tell my parents about base. Funny how doing that is scarier than any of the base jumps I have done.

I decided that a complete and honest approach was best, but they did not take it very well... :(

I'd love to hear other people's experiences. I know there have been a few threads about this in the past, but perhaps there's new advice out there.

I recently read that conflicts are like a cold shower. It sucks while your in it, but once it's over you feel better. I hope that's true in this case.

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Hey,

I finally managed to scrape the courage together to tell my parents about base. Funny how doing that is scarier than any of the base jumps I have done.

I decided that a complete and honest approach was best, but they did not take it very well... :(

I'd love to hear other people's experiences. I know there have been a few threads about this in the past, but perhaps there's new advice out there.

I recently read that conflicts are like a cold shower. It sucks while your in it, but once it's over you feel better. I hope that's true in this case.



I hate to say it, but my mom will never fully understands what BASE is. She has seen my videos, and photos, and she seems to be fine with it as long as I enjoy it. I think part of the fact that she trusts me to be safe and make sane decisions about my own safety has alot to do with it. I think she was more hard-up about me getting my first motorcycle at 18, than me starting to skydive at 20 ...

My wife on the other hand requires a lot of hand holding before every jump - but so far she has been "tolerable" :)

Haven't seen my dad for last 13 years, so not sure what he would think of it ... Probably would be fine though...

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My parents are the same, they seem to be proud of anything I do, and my mother is fine with it because she knows that I take care to learn as much as possible with regards to what I do.

Example: She used to come out to watch me race cars. She's seen me race so many times, including spinning out and all that's involved in racing, that she doesn't get scared anymore. When I started BASE, she understood that it was what I wanted to do, and had a sort of faith in me that I'd do what was necessary to keep myself as safe as possible. She has seen me BASE once, and thinks it's the coolest thing ever.

I've explained to her what could happen, I've explained black death, but she's still positive that I'll keep myself safe.

I'm glad she doesn't worry.

But in the back of my mind, I'm SURE she doesn't understand the risk.

And to me, as long as she understands that I'm doing what I have chosen, and understands that no one else is responsible for me, I'm fine with her not understanding the risk.

She believes in me, and knows that no one but me is responsible, and as far as I'm concerned, that's perfect.

Lou

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Well my parents are way less than thrilled that I want to start jumping.
I find this ironic because I am a nascar driver, and my parents don't mind that. In fact, they support it 100%! They pay for everything involved. My dad built my car, and he does all the repairs.
Now from my experience, base jumping is much more dangerous than the track I race at, but still! There are a ton of dangers in racing, but my father insists racing is one of the safest things you can do...go figure.
"I reject your reality and substitute my own" ~Adam Savage

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I think it will be very hard for me to tell my parents. Well my dad already has an idea i think. My mom on the other hand made like 40 skydives in the mid/late 70's and would keep up with her jump friends. She Knows exactly what BASE is. She understands it and knows the outcome if things go bad. she has actually said to me in my 6 years of skydiving a number of times that "Nic, you can do whatever you want as long as you are safe except 1. Own and ride a street motorcycle 2. BASE jump and 3. Die before her." If I break any of these 'rules' she'll kill me. I know that doesnt make sense but thats what she said.

I am trying to be blatantly obvious that I am BASE jumping without telling them. When I visit I leave a BASE rig on the living room floor, watching a BASE jumping movie, during an informal dinner.

But Jaap is right. The thought of telling them has been just as hard as making a jump. I am trying to muster up more courage for my next visit, but we'll see If i walk down from that. i give it 80/20.

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Hey Jaap,

My parents had an idea I was BASE jumping and my mom came out and asked me so I told them the truth. It was absolutely horrible. My dad flat out couldn't fathom why I would do something like that, he was mad enough that skydiving had taken over my life since that day the two of us had done our first jump courses together. (That was his only skydive). It got to the point where the word "BASE" pretty much wasn't allowed. I remember specifically a time when my sister and I were both over at my parents house and she asked me a question to which the answer involved BASE, but I just said skydiving. My dad, who was sitting right there, said "thanks" because he could see I was trying not to upset him.

Right now my parents and I have an agreement that as long as I am a full time student with good grades, they will pay for my school and help me out. It almost got to the point where I was offered an ultamatum between BASE jumping and their help.

Don't be discouraged though Jaap. Over the last year, my mom has actually asked to see BASE footage (a very little bit at a time). My parents were over at our place for dinner and my dad was going through our pics on the computer and actually asked me to email him one of Chad and me standing at exit point that he liked.

I still don't bring it up in front of my parents, and I know it scares them that their little girl is risking so much, but they are slowly coming around. Let them do it at their own speed, and just know they love you.

I made another thread involving my dad and his thoughts here http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=984493;#984493

Katie.

You're not alone brother.


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I'm sure my family would be happier if I did what they did. Find a mate, settle down, buy a house, make babies, play golf, go shopping and work around the house all day long. Oh and I can't forget to go to Disney on my holidays (wherever the kids will be happiest because to them it's all about the kids). But I chose a different life. My mom knows I BASE jump and my sister even told me that she kind of expected me to do it as well once I started skydiving. I've always been known as kind of the wild man of the family.


Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

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My family thinks it's pretty cool. I've had my Mom lay on her belly poking her head over the edge of a 600' cliff while I held her ankles. I told her this would help her get a feel for big open spaces.

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Hi Ya'll

I haven't (yet) done any BASE jumps, but I have a strong will to do so this summer.

I found out, that telling mom about intention to BASE was very hard. But I would expect telling her after jumping would have been a lot harder.

The situation went something like this:
Me: "Mom, I'm thinking about going BASE jumping next summer."
Mom: "Well! I don't think there's any way to tell you not to?"
Me: "Not really..."
Mom: "Ok, but be safe"
Me: "I will. By the way; Merry christmas mom!"

Then we watched some base videos together ;)



Life is smiling, so why wouldn't I? :)

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I don't think my parents have a visual of what BASE means and that is probably the reason they don't worry to much (what I can't say about my husband:S)...
My granny is the greatest! Her philosophy is: I'm so much more comfortable with you jumping of "things", since this is much lower that when jumping of the airplane and you have much less possibility to get hurt B|... She is almost 80, so I don't bother to oppose her great thinking!:)

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I was very honest with my parents when I started jumping. I sat them down and explained all I could about how BASE gear and knowledge had matured since the 'modern era' of BASE began. I explained how carefully we pack and how we configure our gear for each jump. I talked about the people I was training with and their expertise. Basically I tried to get across the idea that it's not completely suicidal and that I was taking it very seriously. Then I asked them if they had any questions and I did my best to answer them.

They were certainly not happy but I think very few parents would be. I've shown them some videos since and maybe they're a bit calmer about it now but basically they'd rather not know.

Gus
OutpatientsOnline.com

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I'd love to hear other people's experiences. I know there have been a few threads about this in the past, but perhaps there's new advice out there.



There is a great story involving our friend's mom coming to see him jump a building for his 17th birthday. 846 can tell it better, so i'll let her to do it ;)

bsbd!

Yuri.

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I'm curious how many of you have siblings, or are only children.



I have two brothers. One is two years older. He has his doubts about the risks in basejumping, but he is a serious mountaineer himself so he understands the adventurer's blood. The other one is four years older, doesn't participate in any risky sport, but strongly believes that one should enjoy life to the fullest. They both support me greatly.

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1 brother. He and his Fiance refer to me as 'crazy uncle Nic' to their child. Funny thing is that I dont think I am that crazy.

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I'd love to hear other people's experiences.



There is a great story involving our friend's mom coming to see him jump a building for his 17th birthday. 846 can tell it better, so i'll let her to do it




Oh...>:( :)
I was the 17th birhtday of my jumping buddy. Let's call him jumper A.
It was a beautiful sunny day and we decided to go to the living building which wasn't been jumped for a while. Daytime jump was planned.

I accesed to the building first with the another friend of mine. We passed the guard (old women) sussefully and lift up to 20+ floor. Then we took ledder to go to the roof. Suddenly some person closed our way. That man was screaming and attacking us. He yelled: "I do know who are ya!"
-- okay... who?
-- you're jumpers! Your sunglasses is spessially purposed for flights!:)After that he locked us on the first (entry) floor of the building. He introduced imself as a senior official of that particular house (kinda fake status, smth like non-paid housekeeper, not a job). And we were waiting till the time cops came. We wanted to see the cops also 'cause these two persons (man and old lady-guard) went totally crazy. The cops came and said they've already got enough troubles and fake emergies from that man and they were not going to get us because there were no reasons. They just ask us to jump another day -- not on their duty -- we said okay, and I promised them not to jump that day. At this time -- "Sh*t!" -- I noticed my friends jumpers A and B stepping into the door. They came in, looked at the crowd of cops, guards and us and ask something like "Everything's alright, guys?" Guard answered all is ok, not recognised them as the jumpers being busy with scandal, and the guys -- A and B -- went straight to the elevator, chating with each other.
Cops went away and we went outside the building area to watch the jump.
The housekeeper has been sticking outside the house too, drinking vodka with some other persons.
At this time A and B showed themselves up on the edge. They jumped long-distance 2-way. B was making landing approach then housekeeper noticed him and started running to the approx. landing spot (easy to predict it's an only available spot there). B landed and the drunk and angry housekeeper placed his feel on B's pilotchte. B said him to stop it and let him go. But housekeeper didn't and began to scream and attack B. At this moment some slim and young-looking women came to them and ask person to take a pilotchute back to the boy and let him go. (I didn't know it was the mom of jumper A who came to watch the jump. At that time I guessed she was just some girl living in that building )... she said that and get the kick to the face as an answer from housekeeper.
After that the housekeeper got the most painfull shot perform by the mom. And another one to the face. I guess that his broken nose was mama's job.:P Jumper A who's landed on another spot materialized right on the fighting place at this moment. He was doing his fighting best for his mom.
Finelly cops came again (the same crew) and took all of us to the policestation. There we were told the housekeeper has got triple-broken nose and broken jaw.
We've spent the whole eve there. But the cops were friendly and nice and my buddy and his mom went through it without any serious problems.

About that building -- it was been jumped again a while ago by the same jumpers crew and some others.

About the mom -- she was watching our jumps on Ostankino boogie, chating with Valery Rozov, with whom she has been making some pro-climbing for the years many years ago. And one day she delegated to me and Yuri:S the rights to be a nanny for her son. "Watch him, guys: no hard drugs, less ganja, safe jumps, sleep early, you know." :)

That's the best basejumper's mom I've ever seen.:)
Between two evils always pick theone never tried

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He has his doubts about the risks in basejumping, but he is a serious mountaineer himself so he understands the adventurer's blood.



I wonder if risky sports are somewhat common in your (to all people) families or that you are just an exception?

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I was pretty direct when I told my parents. I explained what it was and why I was doing it. My father already knew the details. In fact, when I invited them to Bridge Day (for what would be my 5th and 6th jumps), my Dad said he thought they could make it and then added, "you do know that the LZ is about the size of 4 or 5 schoolbuses, right?" See, Dad really gets it. He understands reaction time...or lack thereof in BASE and the dangers as if he'd explored jumping, himself. He'd make a fine student.
But my mother--as it turns out--wasn't exactly listening to all the specifics. After repeating the details of a one-canopy system to my mother again, they now both get it.
I've been climbing since I was 14 and they always saw that as a very positive thing (even when I was buildering and once got busted). They understand and expect that I'll approach anything this dangerous with a great understanding for how everything works, the risks involved and the best way to mitigate those risks. But they also understand that I can do everything right and still die. I'm thinking it's time for a follow-up conversation about the physical risks.
A more recent topic, though, was illegal jumps. I tell them about these (not necessarily all of them) so they won't be surprised if something happens to me. My Dad's last response went like this:
"So, you jumped off a XXXXXX? And that XXXXXX doesn't belong to you? How is that legal?"
If there's any disappointment in my decision to do this, he chose not to dwell on it and just moved on. Having made his point by way of rhetorical questions, he finished with, "You and your friends...just be as safe as you can."
In all of this, though, my opinion is that you can't just have The Talk with your parents once. If they're not completely cool with it, you need to manage their expectations and understanding of the risks every once in a while. Of course, your parents may vary...
-C.

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lets see... first it was the Army, she didnt like the idea of me going into the army even though she herself was in (yea my mama wore combat boots, there I said it)

then skydiving, she was a bit scared, but after awhile got used to that. sortof.


Finally/next: BASE... she thinks I am crazy now... none the less she still loves me and knows I will make the right decisions. She has even told me of some prospective CLIFFS in Southern Oregon where I am from, with 200-700ft ranges in height. topo maps are nice.. and reminded me abotu a certain bridge that you can take a solid 2 sec delay on.
Leroy


..I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio...

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My mom is now ok with the skydiving over the past twelve years but did not know about the BASE jumping.

Last year, we took a trip to Italy to visit relatives and I asked her in advance if we can stop at the Italian terminal wall to make a jump. She kind of freaked out when she learned BASE rigs have no reserves. I tried my best to explain it is better than taking a skydiving rig but have the feeling I did not convince her.

We met at Marcello's restaurant after the jump and was quite relieved I was safe but asked in a nice way to never include her on any future jumps because she was a nervous wreck.

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When I told my mom at first she didn't watch want to watch the video of my first jump. Then she saw video of other people on the trip jumping, saw that I survived, and watched. Mom would prefer I don't snowboard in the back country, ride motorcycles, skydive, BASE jump, etc. although she supports those decisions and has never done more than sigh a little when I start one of those things. She hopes all my dreams come true including Cerro Torre.

I don't think Dad's said anything beyond noting the Malaysian government is very harsh on people who bring drugs there.

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I'm curious how many of you have siblings, or are only children.



My brother jumps too, and he's much better then me ;)

bsbd!

Yuri.

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I didn't vote, because there wasn't anything in between "won't talk to me" and "fine after a week".

A little after I started skydiving, I showed off my new (used) rig to the folks. In demonstrating how it worked, I pulled out the pilot chute, and Mom freaked -- as if I might be doing something that might mess up the magic that made it open when I needed it. Ok, so, so much for details...:P

After I got into fixed objects, she asked me if there was anything I wouldn't do. I had just read an article about Golden Gate Bridge jumpers (without rigs, that is) and how the place is such a big draw for depressed romantics that the cops watch it pretty diligently, so I blurted out that I wouldn't jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was vaguely amused to find that that seemed to reassure her. She justed wanted to know that I had a limit, and it didn't really seem to matter so much exactly where the limit was. She wanted to know that I wasn't going to just keep taking bigger and bigger risks until it bit me.

Of course immediately after I said it, I got to wondering...:)

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I was an only child for 13 years. My two 'little' brothers are now 17 and 15. Both can't wait to skydive and each has expressed a basic, but cautious interest in BASE.
-C.

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Man, imagine how they're going to react when you tell them you're a cock-gobbling homo with a floppy anus!

I started after my dad died so telling him was easy since he can't talk back. My mom's pretty cool about it. In fact last night I was over at her place with Collin packing for the nights jump. Her comments were basically, "Why don't you just stick to jumping from bridges and cliffs? You shouldnt be breaking into places. That's wrong."... "OK mom, maybe I won't jump." .... "Ya whatever Abbie. Be careful.".

a few hours later.... CYA MUTHAFUKA!

-A
Abbie Mashaal
Skydive Idaho
Snake River Skydiving
TandemBASE

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