Forums: Skydiving Disciplines: Freeflying:
Skydive Community College -- further education

 


selwyn  (D License)

Apr 14, 2009, 12:04 PM
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Skydive Community College -- further education Can't Post

I have recently created a new company for those of you that can't afford to go to "university" !

This is the budget option , kind of like the easyjet of skydiving coaching.

Selwyns Skydiving community college :

also availabe is Night time classes for those even shorter on cash.

I can certify you in anything - For those of you that like to piss away lots of money , i have some wonderful packages and ratings you can acquire with little experience and a credit card.

Credentials :

2,000,000,000,000 minutes of experience coaching .

and a plethora of sky lobs.

most memorable students include :-

Scott Plammer
Dave Brown
Kim Worthington
Rob Laidlaw
Will Pesek
Derek Cox
Mickey Nuttall
Thomas Hughes
Santa
Jesus Christ
& Olav

PS . I also tought Ray Kubiak everything he knows and will ever discover.

For the gung ho out there irecommend the

"i want to be a baddass" package

$100,000 cash to be delivered by a midget on a unicycle on the 3rd moon of july.

You will be a badass before the fourth moon

MONEY BACK GUARANTEE

KIND OF.


Kimsdu  (D 24694)

Apr 14, 2009, 12:22 PM
Post #2 of 13 (1680 views)
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Re: [selwyn] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

I would really like to come to this community college as i am homeless and out of work, also both of my parents pissed away my trust fund to support their crack habit!!! and now are both milking the goverment by claiming disability allowance..
Do you take goverment grants i think i can manage to swindle them into paying for it.
Just one more question.. Will i get a certificate if i come to your community college?? Or does that cost extra?
Thankyou and i look forward to your response.


Kimsdu  (D 24694)

Apr 14, 2009, 12:28 PM
Post #3 of 13 (1676 views)
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Re: [Kimsdu] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

PS : Can i get Santas phone number from you the FU**ER ripped me off last year!!!


SimonBones  (D 28573)

Apr 14, 2009, 1:33 PM
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Re: [selwyn] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

I'm a satisfied graduate of Selwyn's skydiving community college and I proudly earned my degree in freefly douchebaggery.

I used to be a sad pathetic freefly sub-douchebag and one day I became sick of it all and called Selwyn's hotline (800) SMACK-IT. I told him, I don't just want to look graceful next to your tunnel walls, I want to smack them as hard as I can! And with his help I smacked those walls until I no longer had any real desire to do so anymore.

Thanks Selwyn and your skydiving community college. Now I can enter into your training chamber with no desire to smack the walls. Without you, I never would have achieved this level of douchebaggery.

Now if only I could find a real college of BASE I can stop hitting power lines Laugh


ifics  (B License)

Apr 14, 2009, 2:46 PM
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Re: [SimonBones] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

Quote:
$100,000 cash to be delivered by a midget on a unicycle on the 3rd moon of july.

bahahahahahhewhahawwLaugh


shug  (D 24567)

Apr 16, 2009, 6:56 PM
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Re: [ifics] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

i gave this pole smoker $100,000 cash money. Mother F#@er looked me in the eye while the damn midget punched me in the goods, i dropped like the fan just stopped. Ugly Facey and his lil friend then rode away with my $$$ on my brand new unicycleMadMadMadMadMadMadMad
DONT TRUST THIS GUY!!!!! HE IS A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!

ray kubiak


LyraM45  (B 26378)

Apr 17, 2009, 6:42 AM
Post #7 of 13 (1478 views)
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Re: [selwyn] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

God, Selwyn.... I miss you and your funnies. LaughLaugh


Vertifly  (D 27236)

Apr 17, 2009, 10:07 AM
Post #8 of 13 (1459 views)
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Re: [selwyn] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

Selwyn, this is the bomb. I thought of a movie quote from Jerry McGuire...."Finally, somebody said it!"

Unfortunately, the day after that, Jerry McGuire got fired. Although, I doubt there will be any ramifications upon you considering the lack of order that we have in our free community.

I do, however, feel compelled to one-up on you bro. If you are starting the Community College, the you will need applicants that have GRE's in order to start the system. So think of this as a compliment to your Freefly College.

It's the Freefly GRE. It's butter. All you have to do is pass a 20-question, multiple choice test, about how to freefly. Then you receive a ticket to get into your college to work towards a coach license and to fly on all the cool dives.

It's great. After this 20 question multiple choice test, anyone can fly like th pros and/or further your body flight education.

Example of question #5 on the exam is...

After boarding the aircraft on a 10-way headsdown and sitfly formation that is two points, do you:

a) Close your eyes and secretly think about having sex while everyone else thinks you are dirt-diving in your brain

b) Make sure you sit next to a team-member of Mandarin and talk about how excited you are to be on this jump with them

c) Act like this is the thousandth time you've done this kind of thing, do a self-gear check, and only give the 'hi-sign' to people who extend it to you first

d) Fart every three thousand feet, on the way up, and blame it on everyone you've ever seen in a picture of Parachutest magazine

e) All of the above



The conclusion is obvious! Unsure


erinnicolemay  (D 32057)

Apr 17, 2009, 11:22 AM
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Re: [Vertifly] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

OOOooooo!!!! I know this one! The answer is A.


jdfreefly  (D 24037)

Apr 17, 2009, 12:58 PM
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Re: [Vertifly] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

Shit...if you change D to, "Fart every thousand feet and take credit for it while laughing hysterically as the guy from Mandrin hurls in his helmet." I can definitely claim all of the above.

Also, I should add that if it weren't for Selwyn Facey we would all still be doing baton passes and thinking we were hot shit. He's taught me everything I know.


Kimsdu  (D 24694)

Apr 18, 2009, 7:14 AM
Post #11 of 13 (1385 views)
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Re: [jdfreefly] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

Selwyn i have a political asylum case here known as "The African" is there anything you can do for him!!!!!!!!


Bolas  (D License)

Apr 18, 2009, 9:14 AM
Post #12 of 13 (1377 views)
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Re: [Kimsdu] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Selwyn i have a political asylum case here known as "The African" is there anything you can do for him!!!!!!!!

Is he Nigerian royalty? Shocked

Provide him your account numbers and send him payment via Western Union and once his client receives he'll send a cheque for the difference. Tongue


GregShelton

Apr 26, 2009, 8:34 PM
Post #13 of 13 (1216 views)
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Re: [selwyn] Skydive Community College -- further education [In reply to] Can't Post

Fuck all... Joe Winters is the professor... "you know what I'm saying joe?"
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