Forums: Skydiving: Tandem Skydiving:
Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude...

 


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 27, 2002, 12:27 PM
Post #1 of 114 (6557 views)
Shortcut
Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... Can't Post

When I did my first jump, I was the only first-time jumper on the load. Everyone else had 500+ jumps, if I remember correctly... As a result, I had a pretty fun time listening to all their little 'get the first-timer nervous' jokes. Smile

Heard fun things said to my tandem master like "So when are they going to let you go by yourself?" or "Hope you took your pills this morning," or "So how long have you been sober? Couple days now?" Heard plenty of "Where's your parachute?" Fun stuff like that. Smile

So my question is, what do you guys say to lighten the mood (hehe) for the poor, unfortunate first-time jumpers?


dropdeded  (A License)

Nov 27, 2002, 12:34 PM
Post #2 of 114 (6506 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I just remember something about landing off and cartons of cigarettes.(there is a prison right next to the DZ).

dropdeded
pcss#26


Premier PhreeZone  (D License)
Moderator
Nov 27, 2002, 12:36 PM
Post #3 of 114 (6500 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I once joked about what would you (the Tandem student) do if the plane lost an engine. Me and someone else was joking about airplane crashes and stupid pilots and thats why we jump. I guess at the DZ I was at (not my home) you can't joke about that or even mess with the tandems with out people getting mad.

The 5th attachment point, the belt buckle, the they let you out of the asylum so soon things are all typical.


AggieDave  (D License)

Nov 27, 2002, 12:39 PM
Post #4 of 114 (6495 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Once they're hooked up go "can you feel my belt buckle?" tandem:"Yeah, its digging into my back..." TM:"I'm not wearing a belt..."

TM:"yelling and screaming is ok, but if it bothers you, tell me and I'll stop..."

Packer/staff:"Hey [TM's Name] did you remember to take your medicine?"
TM:"Why, its not after 11am..." (works when its 3pm or so)
--variation--
TM:"I forgot, I'll just take 3 when I get down, that should makeup for it..."
--variation--
TM:"yeah, the little white one..."
Packer/staff:"No, you're supposed to take the big white ones on Saturday!"
TM:"Oh! Damn, well I guess when I get back I'll need to lay down for a couple hours then..."

--
As a packer is handing the rig to the TM:
Packer:"let me know if it opens, its my first time to pack..."


We have a whole lot of other ones we use, but most are sort of on the fly off the tops of our heads.Smile


Premier skybytch  (D License)

Nov 27, 2002, 12:45 PM
Post #5 of 114 (6485 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Said to the student about the instructor - "If he does good this time, next time we're going to let him go by himself."

And of course the old standby said to the instructor - "you did take your meds this morning, didn't you?"


Jib  (C License)

Nov 27, 2002, 12:46 PM
Post #6 of 114 (6485 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

To TM: How was your vacation?
TM: Vacation? You mean probation?
-----
TM: What did I do with that instruction card?


(This post was edited by Jib on Nov 27, 2002, 12:47 PM)


Premier PhreeZone  (D License)
Moderator
Nov 27, 2002, 12:50 PM
Post #7 of 114 (6475 views)
Shortcut
Re: [PhreeZone] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

TM pulls Tandems for Dummies book out from under the seat and reads it.

TM falls asleep on the ride up (for real)


LawnDart21  (D License)

Nov 27, 2002, 12:59 PM
Post #8 of 114 (6464 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

As we are taxing for take off in an Otter.......
Tandem Student: "Why does everyone on the plane look so worried?"
Tandem Master (me): "This airplane is 35 years old. Our pilot is only 32 years old. Do the math....Plus, when we take off, we will be travelling down the runway at 90+mph, towards a 50 foot stone wall at the end of the runway. If we don't clear the wall, well......"
Tandem Student: "What everyone doing now?"
Tandem Master (me): "Thinking light."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!


trilete312  (A License)

Nov 27, 2002, 1:00 PM
Post #9 of 114 (6463 views)
Shortcut
Re: [PhreeZone] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I heard one say, Since we are the last group to leave the plane and I have to hold on to you, you have to shut the door.


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 27, 2002, 1:05 PM
Post #10 of 114 (6453 views)
Shortcut
Re: [LawnDart21] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Tandem Master (me): "Thinking light."

Oh that's evil Sly Very nice work. Smile


tadbad  (A License)

Nov 27, 2002, 1:22 PM
Post #11 of 114 (6430 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

My favorite is having someone "fall" out of the plane at a lower altitude...and then have someone look out the door and say "Hope he makes it".


Sebazz1  (D 23382)

Nov 27, 2002, 1:44 PM
Post #12 of 114 (6417 views)
Shortcut
Re: [skybytch] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Quote:
"you did take your meds this morning, didn't you?"
Well I forgot to take them all week so I took all seven this morningSly


Sonic  (B 102345)

Nov 27, 2002, 1:49 PM
Post #13 of 114 (6413 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

You (to TM): "did you take that red pill for your headache before we got in the plane?"
TM: "Red? I took the blue one !!"
You: "The blue one was viagra !!!!"

and watch the student's face (works on males and females)


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 27, 2002, 2:18 PM
Post #14 of 114 (6395 views)
Shortcut
Re: [PhreeZone] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
I guess at the DZ I was at (not my home) you can't joke about that or even mess with the tandems with out people getting mad.

Jeeze, what fun is that? I loved those little jokes when I was doing my first tandem... It added to the experience.


Chivo  (D 26753)

Nov 27, 2002, 2:19 PM
Post #15 of 114 (6392 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I heard this once...

TM: "If at any moment you realize you don't want to jump, all you have to do is yell NO NO NO (three times)"

Student: "Ok.."

TM: "But since its gonna be very loud in the plane, all I'm gonna hear is GO GO GO, so we're going anyway!"

~Chivo


Spy38W

Nov 27, 2002, 2:30 PM
Post #16 of 114 (6383 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Get the pilot to 'accidentally' leave the PA on while beginning to taxi, and then have him mention to the copilot how he's so hungover he probably couldn't even drive right now... SmileWink


mouth  (D 24383)

Nov 27, 2002, 2:58 PM
Post #17 of 114 (6367 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I like to hang way out the door when checking the spot and looking for traffic. The newbies eyes get really big especially if I swing my feet out.Wink


Sonic  (B 102345)

Nov 27, 2002, 3:03 PM
Post #18 of 114 (6358 views)
Shortcut
Re: [mouth] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Then scream and then fall out Laugh


sunshine  (D License)

Nov 27, 2002, 3:03 PM
Post #19 of 114 (6359 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I was being a practice student for someone working on their rating. The whole otter was full of tandems and for some reason we were going out first. Well as a joke i grabbed onto the bar and starting screaming "nooo" and screamed the whole time as the TM in training grabbed my arms and jumped out. I was told later that i really freaked out some of the tandem students.Smile


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 27, 2002, 3:05 PM
Post #20 of 114 (6351 views)
Shortcut
Re: [sunshine] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
I was being a practice student for someone working on their rating. The whole otter was full of tandems and for some reason we were going out first. Well as a joke i grabbed onto the bar and starting screaming "nooo" and screamed the whole time as the TM in training grabbed my arms and jumped out. I was told later that i really freaked out some of the tandem students.Smile

Ooooh, that is SOOO mean! Smile I have GOT to remember that!


Casch

Nov 27, 2002, 3:05 PM
Post #21 of 114 (6351 views)
Shortcut
Re: [sunshine] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

LMAO I woulda loved to see that!


swarley  (Student)

Nov 27, 2002, 4:50 PM
Post #22 of 114 (6312 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

My TM said he worked for the Post Office.
Hmmmmmmm (I went anyway)


sar911

Nov 27, 2002, 6:47 PM
Post #23 of 114 (6269 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I usually reach out and touch a part of their harness that has a thread end and say, " It's OK, the stitching should hold for at least one more jump"


superflie  (D License)

Nov 27, 2002, 7:09 PM
Post #24 of 114 (6258 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I often say, "hey, remember to hook this one up."


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 27, 2002, 7:27 PM
Post #25 of 114 (6251 views)
Shortcut
Re: [superflie] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
I often say, "hey, remember to hook this one up."

oOoooo... Sly


Hooknswoop  (D License)

Nov 27, 2002, 7:27 PM
Post #26 of 114 (2749 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

i have a bunch, but my favorite is exiting on a tandem before a tandem video pair. This works extra well if the tandem following us is related/known to my passenger. After I open, I point out the other tandem in free-fall. As the other tandem opens, and the video guy continues in free-fall, I yell, "OH MY GOD, THEY FELL OFF!". Wink

Hook


Scoby  (A 41205)

Nov 27, 2002, 7:31 PM
Post #27 of 114 (2748 views)
Shortcut
Re: [dropdeded] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Yup, I know the prison speech by heart now. I've heard, "we haven't had a tandem fatality in weeks!" a few times.


buzzfink  (D 13652)

Nov 27, 2002, 10:10 PM
Post #28 of 114 (2723 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Scoby] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Here is my My favorite:

Lets say John is the Tandem Instructor. I go up to the Tandem student and say "FIRST JUMP? They say "YEAH" I say "COOL. IT'S JOHN's FIRST JUMP TOO!"Shocked

They laugh and say "REALLY"? I say "NO, I WAS JUST KIDDING. HE'S JUMPED BEFORE BUT THIS IS HIS FIRST TIME ON THE BACK."Wink

Blue Skies!


Buzz


SpaceUnknown

Nov 27, 2002, 11:43 PM
Post #29 of 114 (2704 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

On my first tandem walking out to the plane the TM says:

Just remember, there's no need to be nervous. Think of it this way, you'll be the only jumper without a chute ;)

I looked around and confirmed, the pilot, the camera dude, and the TM all had chutes!

It was a blast!! I gotta get my tape out and digitize it!
James


(This post was edited by SpaceUnknown on Nov 27, 2002, 11:51 PM)


SweCow  (D 11213)

Nov 28, 2002, 12:45 AM
Post #30 of 114 (2693 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Hooknswoop] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Sly Now thats evil! LMAO.....

Keep up the good work... hehehe...


bobsoutar  (D 5310)

Nov 28, 2002, 3:42 AM
Post #31 of 114 (2693 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Been trying to get tandem students to wave their arms around and shout "Yippee, I'm going to skydive" and they move towards the door. None of them have done it yet but I'm sure it will freak the JM out if one ever does.


quatorze  (A 39233)

Nov 28, 2002, 4:09 AM
Post #32 of 114 (2690 views)
Shortcut
Re: [bobsoutar] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Laugh That would be funny as shit... Scare the TM for a change


quatorze  (A 39233)

Nov 28, 2002, 4:23 AM
Post #33 of 114 (2687 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Erik, Who did you do your tandem at Blue Sky, if it was Ken, his favorite is,
"Anyone seen my green pill?"

"uh no Ken, did you lose it?"

"Aw hell, I have the blue and the yellow, ones, that'll make green... let's fly."


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 28, 2002, 5:38 AM
Post #34 of 114 (2677 views)
Shortcut
Re: [quatorze] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Erik, Who did you do your tandem at Blue Sky, if it was Ken, his favorite is,
"Anyone seen my green pill?"

"uh no Ken, did you lose it?"

"Aw hell, I have the blue and the yellow, ones, that'll make green... let's fly."

No, my first tandem was with Gene Stewart, and my next 3 were with Golden Dickie. Tongue I didn't really get messed with too much on my first jump, other than the usual, but Dickie was evil Sly Course that might also be because two of them tandems were at the Harvest Moon Boogie... Hehe


(This post was edited by Cepheus on Nov 28, 2002, 5:40 AM)


jimmytavino  (A 3914)

Nov 28, 2002, 5:46 AM
Post #35 of 114 (2669 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Interesting topic,,, and we all know that skydivers have great ( twisted ) senses of humor Crazy
I like to joke around and have fun too.. but It's important to respect the students' frame of mind, and
THEIR degree of nervousness,, at the moment they are making their first jump..
I have been videoing tandems for eight years now,, and have seen most of the gags, and heard most of the jokes,, even made up a few over the years.....But I feel strongly that, that sort of stuff should be over and done with, before boarding the plane... sure a little light hearted banter helps while getting geared up, or shooting a pre jump "interview" with the first jump student.... But it really should be "all business" once the flaps go up, after rotation.....That doesn't mean you can't be funny ,, or joke around a little,, but NOT the type of teasing where the "unknowing" student,, is made to feel even a little uncertain... ya know??? Wink
We spend much of the training time telling the students, to listen to the TM , trust the TM, the TM will be your partner and "hero" for your jump..... and then go ahead and abuse that,, for some cheap laugh,, which the student,, doesn't even understand...The longtime TM's have developed the techniques to relax the student, keep things light, and still maintain the students' attention and assure that the first time jumper will perform properly... They don't have to rely on sarcasm, or deceit or some "stand up Comedian schtick" ..... which amuses their buddies, or the RW crowd, or the Freaks, or the other TM's,, at the expense of the students' frame of mind.. .It seems like it's the more recent TM's ,,(who by the way, had THEIR knees knocking, not long ago) who seem to think that they are obliged to demostrate their MASTERY, of jumping,, by teasing the person who is basically paying their WAGES on the jump...Think back to EXACTLY how nervous YOU were
on your first jumpUnimpressed,,, Joke around on the ground,, but once it's wheels up... act professionally.!!Mad....I have never attended a Tandem Certification Program... but I bet there is NO part of it, which says to betray the trust of the student, by making a bunch of macho, and scarey (to a first jumper, whose mind is not always as relaxed as the local "big mouth" experts )
comments, at a very critical phase of a students first jump.....TM's be sparing in your wisecracks,,,, and
regular jumpers,,,,,mind your own business,!! Think about YOUR.. skydive, if you say ANYTHING to a student, make it short, sweet, and POSITIVE !!!!
or else say nothing.....Save the Don Rickles routine for the fire pit..have fun,,, but be sensible..ok?Smile


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 28, 2002, 5:58 AM
Post #36 of 114 (2669 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Think back to EXACTLY how nervous YOU were on your first jump

Actually, I kinda liked all the joking that went on, even after we were up in the air. Just about every single jumper in that plane was messing with me, and I liked the attention. Smile Besides, my TM already had my trust by that point. I wouldn't have jumped otherwise.

You bring up some very valid points, though, but I think it also depends on the person you're dealing with. If the student is obviously freaking out, seriously not being able to calm down, then no, neither I nor anyone else at my DZ would mess around. We'd do our best to calm the person down, assure them that they're going to have a great time, and spend our time helping the student to enjoy the ride up (it's up to them to enjoy the ride down, hehe).

Course, if the student was like me, I was pretty much inviting all the abuse. Laugh It was part of the experience, and I wouldn't have wanted to jump in a sterile environment anyway.

Again, you did bring up many valid points to remember, especially for those first-timers who are really freaked out. I haven't met any yet, myself, but I have only just started jumping. Smile

Thanks Smile


jimmytavino  (A 3914)

Nov 28, 2002, 6:17 AM
Post #37 of 114 (2663 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Roger That Cepheus...Smile

Thanks man,,, and you are correct,,, there are often exceptions to the rule...and some people are more receptive to jokes than others.....
and so as you point out,,,, we must use good judgement...Shocked
But even so serious joking and "ragging" on someone like you who I can see is very "cool" with it,,,Cool,,is OK i guess...... but what about the OTHER students in the plane,, who are peripheral
to the action,,,( but are still hearing all the chatter,,,directed at YOU.)... and it's having an impact on THEM!!! (unintentional
as it may be ) ... ya' follow????Wink... so maybe the trick is to have fun,, be lighthearted, but also be thinking,, and be considerate of others....and how they might be feeling on their first jump....
It's ALSO a big difference ,, if you are in a C 182 with just your TM and camera person,,,, as compared to an OTTER load with maybe as many as 5 or 6 Tandems......skydive hard,, skydive often,, skydive with friends..SlySmile


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 28, 2002, 6:32 AM
Post #38 of 114 (2658 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
we must use good judgement...

That's all there is to it. Smile

Most of the time, if I mess with a student, it'll be very light-hearted, nothing serious-sounding. To me, it's more fun to me that they get the joke and realize I'm joking, than to be scared and worried or not know what i'm talking about... I don't like seeing that.

Also, if there are multiple students on the load, I'll aim my jokes and whatnot at all of them, and not single anyone out. That tends to keep things nice and light.


dropdeded  (A License)

Nov 28, 2002, 7:13 AM
Post #39 of 114 (2652 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Bought my sister a Tandem and video for her 40th.Tandem Master fakin asleep,acting lost,confused,freaked my sister out.Made a GREAT video.
Bought my neice a Tandem and video about a year later.Same TM,tried the same act, DENIED!! My neice told him,"dude,I saw that on my moms video".Oh man,the look on the TMs face is friggin PRICELESS !
That was the LAST reaction he expected Laugh

dropdeded
pcss#26


cop  (D License)

Nov 28, 2002, 7:39 AM
Post #40 of 114 (2643 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

We have one TM who use to introduce landscape to student while climbing flight ; " Look, there is cemetery of Malmi!" and "Let's compare altimeters.... you have red one and I have blue one"

If I remember right there is only one student who got the joke (atleast those tandems I filmed)


AirMail  (A 41633)

Nov 28, 2002, 11:11 AM
Post #41 of 114 (2635 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Hooknswoop] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

On my first tandem, all the joking was done on the ground (except for the fake harness hook up problem).

On the ground while I was getting in the harness, the camera guy said to the TM, "Isn't that the recalled harness?". Reply was "Yeah, but it's good for one more jump".

Patrick


MrHixxx  (D 24144)

Nov 28, 2002, 11:50 AM
Post #42 of 114 (2630 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Generally, I crack jokes about the 5th attachment point on a tandem harness...

But really, if you want to scare the tandem master right back. Talk about how you uncontrollably ball up when your scared or puke or shit yourself (gotta wear a Speedo for that one). They will start comforting you immediately...

-Hixxx


quatorze  (A 39233)

Nov 28, 2002, 5:52 PM
Post #43 of 114 (2603 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Quote:
No, my first tandem was with Gene Stewart, and my next 3 were with Golden Dickie

El Genio and the Big Dick...wow, you're a brave little man.Tongue Did Gene give you your tandem breifing in Spanish or did he play nice?Laugh And as for Dick... uh intimidating, enough said.

Quote:
tandems were at the Harvest Moon Boogie

You are a brave soul, CASA, Rodriguez Brothers, Muff Brothers, the Outlaws, the Tuck Brothers... you really didn't need your tandem master to try and scare you, that is intimidating enoughTongue


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 28, 2002, 6:52 PM
Post #44 of 114 (2589 views)
Shortcut
Re: [quatorze] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
El Genio and the Big Dick...wow, you're a brave little man.Tongue Did Gene give you your tandem breifing in Spanish or did he play nice?Laugh And as for Dick... uh intimidating, enough said.
Hehe, Gene was having a little bit of fun... I was the only guy who was doing a tandem that day, so we played around. Smile As for Dickie, well, as long as I made sure his hair was decent, all was right in his world. Tongue

In reply to:
You are a brave soul, CASA, Rodriguez Brothers, Muff Brothers, the Outlaws, the Tuck Brothers... you really didn't need your tandem master to try and scare you, that is intimidating enoughTongue
Bah, it was all good Tongue Nothing better than having a load full of smartasses, heehee Smile Learned quite a bit that day... Even think I made it onto the boogie video. My second jump with Dickie that day was unstable, and whew does he know how to disorient someone... Tongue Loads of fun Smile


eyeinthesky  (Student)

Nov 28, 2002, 8:46 PM
Post #45 of 114 (2561 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

everyone jokes a bit at our dz in KY. ive never done a tandem but was watching our new instructor get ready with the other TM. he said to the other TM's student, "when the parachute finally opens, you'll feel a big jerk, but dont worry, that's just jim". i about fell over. and i remember on my second jump a first time student messed with the JM. we were boarding the plane and he looked at the JM matter of factly, pointed to his reserve cord (static liner), and said "so, when i let go of the strut, i pull this?". haha, he caught the JM off guard, im sure the students rarely pull one on the instructors. everyone at a DZ has to have that kind of sense of humor, uptight people arent the kind of people who jump out of planes!


never let anyone in your will pack your chute!


mccordia  (D 94775)

Nov 29, 2002, 4:02 AM
Post #46 of 114 (2532 views)
Shortcut
Re: [eyeinthesky] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Most times the JM is making sure the passanger has fun on the ride up...usualy someone on the load wishpers in the passengers ear 'don't mind him..he always does that when he's drunk'


JumpCrazy  (B 5282)

Nov 29, 2002, 5:24 AM
Post #47 of 114 (2524 views)
Shortcut
Re: [mccordia] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Here is a real confidence booster for first timers: (my signature). I heard this one before my first AFF.


Ron

Nov 29, 2002, 8:48 AM
Post #48 of 114 (2491 views)
Shortcut
Re: [JumpCrazy] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

My favorites:

While hooking the student up:
Me: Hey (other TM), What is this thing for? (grabing ripcord)?

Other TM: I don't know?!!? I think its the stringy thingy.

Me to student: When do I pull it?

After landing....If I have a cute female:
How did you like being strapped to a man?

One time I have the student grab my crotch, and say....I LIKED IT A LOT!!.

She got me.

Ron


Casch

Nov 29, 2002, 11:38 AM
Post #49 of 114 (2467 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Ron] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Quote:
One time I have the student grab my crotch, and say....I LIKED IT A LOT!!.

Hell Yea! I knew I got into the right sport!


jimmytavino  (A 3914)

Nov 29, 2002, 4:29 PM
Post #50 of 114 (2436 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Ron] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

 


....Yeah Well....UnsureUnsure

You can be sure that if I came to your DZ with a person who wanted to make a tandem,,, and if THAT person was At ALL important to me ,,, i.e. a family member or friend,,,,,YOU would not be taking them on ANY kind of skydiveMadMad.. and I
ain't kiddin'UnsureMad...
There WAS a case a few years ago where a female tandem student felt the TM's flirtatious behavior
"crossed the line",, she filed a lawsuit,,, claiming that the guy was a pest Pirate from the get go.... and that in the course of the opening and canopy descent,,,he "groped" her.....made for real difficulty for the drop zone,,, the DZO and the instructor....
Lets be SMART out there!!!Unimpressed


Cepheus  (Student)

Nov 29, 2002, 5:00 PM
Post #51 of 114 (3300 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Jimmy, I think when he meant that the student grabbed him, not that he told her to.


jimmytavino  (A 3914)

Nov 29, 2002, 5:11 PM
Post #52 of 114 (3297 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Cepheus.....I know what what he meant.. Bro......
and I understood her willing participation,,,,still.

gimmee a break....He set up the situation with his comment,,,,,.. he seemed to dig the attention...
and I stand by my statement..... The dude can take YOUR sister... on a tandem,,, but not mine.....get it???

hey friends,,,I'm not tryin' to be a jerk here,,, but let's get serious.. Tandem Mastering should be about the first jump person,,,, not the T M (too many of whom seem to be closet comedians.....) some of whom do it for the wrong reasons....(like
prestige, free skydives, or some kind of ego trip....)
although I'll admit........
maybe not in this specific case with this specific TM....
sorry if I over reacted.....Crazy peace..


AggieDave  (D License)

Nov 30, 2002, 1:33 AM
Post #53 of 114 (3251 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

From my vantage point, the little jokes and pranks pulled between a TM/staff and a Tandem Student is in good fun, and a way to get the student to relax, laugh and understand the fun we have skydiving.

Although, I can't speak for all DZs, I know the ones I've been around, if a student is obviously distressed, we don't joke around with them, we're very reassuring.


Genie  (C 461)

Dec 2, 2002, 1:37 AM
Post #54 of 114 (3175 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

well during student week in our club, we filled a whiskey bottle with weak cold tea, and the two TM's took very visible LONG swigs, while repacking the parachute and training the two students. They then pulled out the "instruction manual" and started to check a couple of things - one of the TM's ragging the other guy that he was meant to have finished reading that before the weekend. The manual got tucked in the TMs jumpsuit so he could continue to study on the way up. Both TM's staggered around while putting the rigs on and then had problems finding the way into the plane - explaining that it was a new plane and theyd never jumped from it before. All of this is on video, with the two students looking uncertain in the background. One of the students actually asked "Are you guys sure you know how to do this?"
Now they were friends of friends of skydivers, they were a good laugh and took it all in good spirit and it really is the funniest video. But we generally wouldnt pull that kind of stuff on new students.. of course the question of "What the hell is this and where did it come from??" while staring at the back of the students harness is always fun... Angelic

Mind you - tables were turned on one of our tms once when he took up a guy who had a prosthetic leg and hadnt told the tm. On opening his leg detached and fell away from them and the passenger turned to the tm and said "My leg just fell off!" - the tm got a bit of a shock... Sly


ernokaikkonen  (D 12)

Dec 2, 2002, 2:04 AM
Post #55 of 114 (3171 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Genie] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
On opening his leg detached and fell away from them and the passenger turned to the tm and said "My leg just fell off!"

OMG!ShockedLaugh The TM's expression must've been priceless... Did they find the leg?


Ron

Dec 2, 2002, 3:37 AM
Post #56 of 114 (3164 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Well I know where the line is. Its just like being in a bar.
You don't flirt with the ones with a boyfriend.

I am not even going to start on this,

But its not like I do it to every female I jump with.


Genie  (C 461)

Dec 2, 2002, 3:52 AM
Post #57 of 114 (3158 views)
Shortcut
Re: [ernokaikkonen] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
In reply to:
On opening his leg detached and fell away from them and the passenger turned to the tm and said "My leg just fell off!"

OMG!ShockedLaugh The TM's expression must've been priceless... Did they find the leg?

No, We jump over a bog and it disappeared in there somewhere... $3500 worth of leg which no doubt will terrify some poor person walking thru the bog some day...poor bloke was a bit teed off - hed just bought it!Frown


jdhill  (D License)

Dec 2, 2002, 7:28 AM
Post #58 of 114 (3118 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Said to the big manly man who is concerned about being strapped to another guy...

"Don't worry, your instructor is not gay... but his boyfriend is..."

Said to cute girls...

"If you reach back and pull on the ripcord and he (the TM) starts to giggle... well that's not the right handle..."

TM follows up with...

"Yeah, but keep on pull'n..."

TM is going through hook-up procedures and pretends to be complete, asks the student if they are ready to go... Video guy grabs the upper hooks and says...

"man, you forgot these again... you remember what happend the last time you forgot these"

After the plane takes off and starts to climb, the pilot throttles back and there is a noticable change in the engine noise... Act scared and start looking out the windows at the engines...

There is a bump in our runway... as the plane takes off, it hits the bump and makes a sound... at the same time, grab the student and give them a little shout... then say tension breaker, had to be done...

That is just a few of the usual ones...

Josh


(This post was edited by jdhill on Dec 2, 2002, 8:13 AM)


apoil  (D License)

Dec 2, 2002, 8:01 AM
Post #59 of 114 (3101 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Two of you walk past as the tandem master is gearing up or briefing the student and say to each other "yeah, he's the one I told you about"

Or I'll say to the tandem master directly, "Are they letting you jump again? So soon after the accident?"


Ducky  (A License)

Dec 2, 2002, 6:29 PM
Post #60 of 114 (3030 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I can honestly say that if the Instructors at my DZ were stiffs w/ such caution and no sense of humor I never would have made a second jump. I can alos add that when i bought my big Sis a tandem for her 37th b-day she was disappointed. Her TM was a total bore and spent most of the ride to alti offering half ass attempts at calming someone who was hoping to be messed with a bit.

I gues it doesn't count for much considering the DZ in question does more tandems and FJstudnets than most any other in the country. The fact that the TM mentioned is not longer employed there probably doesn't mean much eitherWink

kwak


jessd  (Student)

Dec 2, 2002, 7:58 PM
Post #61 of 114 (3006 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Ducky] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I so enjoyed every moment of my first tandem. Part of what made it so fun was that the instructor and the videographer made a few comments that were intended to freak me out a bit. But, at the same time they were intended to calm me a bit. Both of them really got me excited about making the jump. It also made for a real funny videoCool


TheMonkey  (D License)

Dec 3, 2002, 10:53 AM
Post #62 of 114 (2943 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jdhill] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Quote:
Said to the big manly man who is concerned about being strapped to another guy...

"Don't worry, your instructor is not gay... but his boyfriend is..."

on my first tandem, i got something similar right after being hooked up:

TM: "Did they tell you that one of our tandem masters is gay?"

ME: "No!"

TM: "Kiss me and I'll tell you who it is!"


kevin922  (D 26500)

Dec 3, 2002, 11:14 AM
Post #63 of 114 (2935 views)
Shortcut
Re: [cop] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
We have one TM who use to introduce landscape to student while climbing flight ; " Look, there is cemetery of Malmi!" and "Let's compare altimeters.... you have red one and I have blue one"

If I remember right there is only one student who got the joke (atleast those tandems I filmed)

Uh forgive me for having a brain fart, but I don't get it.. ??


drenaline  (C License)

Dec 4, 2002, 8:57 AM
Post #64 of 114 (2849 views)
Shortcut
Re: [kevin922] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

We don't joke to much to the tan students, we only say: "Who is the victim? so is he going to live or is it going to be the same like the one before him?" with a very serious look in our faces. On the plane ride up we don't joke, we let them concentrate on the dive and fart like crazy (you should see the looks on theyr faces when they start to smell the farts), we usually try to eat beans the day before the tandem.Angelic

One of the students wanted to kick me out cause of the farts. Sly


outofit  (Student)

Dec 4, 2002, 11:47 PM
Post #65 of 114 (2786 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Casch] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

yeah, me too!


Faber

Dec 5, 2002, 5:31 AM
Post #66 of 114 (2768 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Hooknswoop] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
After I open, I point out the other tandem in free-fall

At my DZ we cant ceat tandems,so we use the first time s/l student.The instructer tells them to be careful to tjek that chute,while 3300ft aint so high.Then we drop the student(usaly the one who tells evrybody that he s the guy),then a anther licened jumper jumps but pulls low.It works evry time.They are normal when they come down again..Cool


leandercool  (Student)

Mar 16, 2012, 4:02 PM
Post #67 of 114 (2280 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Hooknswoop] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Heard these once:

Right before jumping: "You connected these last lines right?"
-
TM: "after this jump, I might be allowed to jump by myself! So please pull in time and make a great landing" Cool


dpreguy  (D 835)

Mar 16, 2012, 9:04 PM
Post #68 of 114 (2178 views)
Shortcut
Re: [leandercool] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

An old favorite is: "When we get near altitude i'll ask yu if you want to jump." But remember: With all of the noise, "I don't wanna go" sounds just like "Geronimo!"

Light hearted and fun.


Krip  (Student)

Mar 16, 2012, 10:51 PM
Post #69 of 114 (2139 views)
Shortcut
Re: [leandercool] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Heard these once:

Right before jumping: "You connected these last lines right?"
-
TM: "after this jump, I might be allowed to jump by myself! So please pull in time and make a great landing" Cool

Troll alert 10 yr old threadCrazy


leandercool  (Student)

Mar 16, 2012, 11:39 PM
Post #70 of 114 (2128 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Krip] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
In reply to:
Heard these once:

Right before jumping: "You connected these last lines right?"
-
TM: "after this jump, I might be allowed to jump by myself! So please pull in time and make a great landing" Cool

Troll alert 10 yr old threadCrazy

Threats That shouldn't be forgotten shall return. Why not restart an old oneCool


Squeak  (E 1313)

Mar 17, 2012, 12:06 AM
Post #71 of 114 (2124 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Krip] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
In reply to:
Heard these once:

Right before jumping: "You connected these last lines right?"
-
TM: "after this jump, I might be allowed to jump by myself! So please pull in time and make a great landing" Cool

Troll alert 10 yr old threadCrazy
So we tell people to use the "search" function and when they do we slag them off for it??


(This post was edited by Squeak on Mar 17, 2012, 12:06 AM)


stayhigh  (F 111)

Mar 17, 2012, 3:11 PM
Post #72 of 114 (1990 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Dude, they let you do tandem again after that???


leandercool  (Student)

Mar 17, 2012, 5:44 PM
Post #73 of 114 (1916 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Squeak] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
In reply to:
In reply to:
Heard these once:

Right before jumping: "You connected these last lines right?"
-
TM: "after this jump, I might be allowed to jump by myself! So please pull in time and make a great landing" Cool

Troll alert 10 yr old threadCrazy
So we tell people to use the "search" function and when they do we slag them off for it??

Search function? Oh uhh, yeah. Let's just stick with that.
And why would I be a troll by bringing back old and fun threats? It's not like I'm sitting here with a bag of popcorn, waiting for a flamewar Smile


skidz

Apr 9, 2012, 1:19 PM
Post #74 of 114 (1592 views)
Shortcut
Re: [leandercool] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Did my first Tandem over the weekend with my best friend, whose mother was there to watch (It was his birthday). As the tandem instructor was securing his harness the birthday was mentioned and the instructor asked which birthday he was celebrating. I quickly replied "His last."

We all got a good laugh, with the exception of his mother. :)


tkhayes  (D 18764)

Apr 10, 2012, 8:28 AM
Post #75 of 114 (1475 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In a thick Eastern European Accent, say something like

"This morning, I janitor. Today, Tandem Instructor! What a great country America is!!"


skyjumpenfool  (Student)

Apr 10, 2012, 9:03 AM
Post #76 of 114 (2867 views)
Shortcut
Re: [tkhayes] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Ask the TI as he's hooking up his student...

"Have they figured out why those clips keep breaking yet?" Wink


Abedy  (D 10153)

Apr 10, 2012, 9:35 AM
Post #77 of 114 (2857 views)
Shortcut
Re: [tkhayes] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

We sometimes tell the students when asked if we do "that" for a living: Yeah strange, huh? The folks at the employment centre asked me if I like an easy job mainly sitting and dealing with folks now and then. So last week I was on the dole and now I'm a TI. TongueCoolAngelic

P.S.: "This morning, I janitor." - Wasn't it "Dr Jan Itor?" LaughLaughLaugh


theonlyski  (D License)

Apr 10, 2012, 3:48 PM
Post #78 of 114 (2798 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Abedy] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I simply point out the fact that my student is wearing a harness that says Warning in 3 different languages (SIGMA harness) when everyone else has one with some instructions on it (SDH harnesses).

Wink


(This post was edited by theonlyski on Apr 10, 2012, 3:48 PM)


leandercool  (Student)

Apr 11, 2012, 1:35 PM
Post #79 of 114 (2667 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZy_qHjvnl4

All the way at the end the TA says: "When I get my license, I might do better than this"


popsjumper  (D 999999999)

Apr 11, 2012, 2:21 PM
Post #80 of 114 (2644 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jimmytavino] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
hey friends,,,I'm not tryin' to be a jerk here,,, but let's get serious.. Tandem Mastering should be about the first jump person,,,, not the T M (too many of whom seem to be closet comedians.....) some of whom do it for the wrong reasons...

I hear ya' Jimmy. There's a line for professionalism. Some of the comments in here are over the line.


Abedy  (D 10153)

Apr 12, 2012, 9:50 AM
Post #81 of 114 (2585 views)
Shortcut
Re: [skyjumpenfool] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Another one is: Point at the CYPRES display (OK, must be visible, huhu) and exclaim "Woo, your parachute is expired, zero jumps left on it! Doncha ever check ya gear?"
Of course, only if student can take a little fun and only if you then explain what this display is good for Tongue


jephprospect  (Student)

Apr 12, 2012, 12:21 PM
Post #82 of 114 (2548 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Abedy] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Last month a buddy of mine did his 1st tandem. while taxing to the plane I was fucking with him about the harness not being on right. His camera guy said in a very stern voice "NO it's fine" and looked at me pissed off. At 1st I thought the dude was just uptight and being a dick but on the way to altitude I could hear my poor buddy breathing hard and saying "oh my god", I realized the camera guy knew this and was why he was being serious with him and me.

So, it depends on the student and it shouldn't be hard to tell who you can fuck with and who you can't. Apparently I wasn't able to tell till we were in the plane. Good thing I'm not an instructor or camera flyer
Tongue


ShcShc11  (A 15638)

Apr 12, 2012, 1:03 PM
Post #83 of 114 (2516 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jephprospect] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Did the tandem last summer... there was the freefall then the tandem master opened the 'chute:

once it opened, he went:
"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Scary b/c he seemed really genuine when he yelled it out.


Cheers!
Shc


(This post was edited by ShcShc11 on Apr 12, 2012, 6:35 PM)


obelixtim  (D 84)

Apr 12, 2012, 4:43 PM
Post #84 of 114 (2473 views)
Shortcut
Re: [ShcShc11] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Quote:
the one who did my tandem went:
"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Scary when he seem to say it in a genuine manner.

What . a . dick.

(and when you see him you can tell him I said that)

I bet he'd crap himself if he had a real mal.

WTF goes on inside peoples heads?.


(This post was edited by obelixtim on Apr 12, 2012, 4:47 PM)


Premier billvon  (D 16479)
Moderator
Apr 12, 2012, 5:16 PM
Post #85 of 114 (2457 views)
Shortcut
Re: [ShcShc11] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

>once it opens, the one who did my tandem went:
>"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Funny, I've had the opposite experience. I once had to cut away from a tension knot and my passenger never knew it happened. After we landed I told him what had happened and he didn't believe me. Showed him the empty container and everything. On the bus ride on the way back he asked another TM "is that guy shitting me? Did we really have to go to that backup?"


devildog  (C 40302)

Apr 12, 2012, 6:01 PM
Post #86 of 114 (2435 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zO69d-FY4c

I think this probably tops them all. Just my .02


ShcShc11  (A 15638)

Apr 12, 2012, 6:41 PM
Post #87 of 114 (2409 views)
Shortcut
Re: [obelixtim] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Quote:
the one who did my tandem went:
"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Scary when he seem to say it in a genuine manner.

What . a . dick.

(and when you see him you can tell him I said that)

I bet he'd crap himself if he had a real mal.

WTF goes on inside peoples heads?.

haha yeah. It was probably a dick move of him. It was still a super memorable/fun jump though.

Back then, I was a naive jumper and my first thought was: "oh whatever, at least the parachute opened! as long there's something over our heads and there's a few lines attached, we SHOULD be fine" Laugh


When you're a tandem passenger, you're #1 concern will always be: "I hope there won't be a double-total malfunction"


Cheers!
Shc


(This post was edited by ShcShc11 on Apr 12, 2012, 6:42 PM)


theonlyski  (D License)

Apr 12, 2012, 7:16 PM
Post #88 of 114 (2390 views)
Shortcut
Re: [ShcShc11] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
When you're a tandem passenger, you're #1 concern will always be: "I hope there won't be a double-total malfunction the shoot opens and I live."

FIFY. Tongue


leandercool  (Student)

Apr 13, 2012, 12:04 AM
Post #89 of 114 (2340 views)
Shortcut
Re: [ShcShc11] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Some people can't find the line between being a massive dick and making a tention breaking joke.
This crossed that line. Glad you had a fun jump though


(This post was edited by leandercool on Apr 13, 2012, 12:06 AM)


JasonYergin  (C 40641)

May 6, 2012, 5:38 AM
Post #90 of 114 (2187 views)
Shortcut
Re: [leandercool] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I've heard something like.... All the good rigs were taken already but this one should be ok.

I thought it was really wrong to joke like at first but after a while I found it entertaining to see what their reactions would be.


Longbow1415  (D License)

May 6, 2012, 12:33 PM
Post #91 of 114 (2094 views)
Shortcut
Re: [skyjumpenfool] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I asked the Tandem instructer today at about 6 k "have the balckouts stopped"


packerboy  (C 34282)

May 6, 2012, 12:54 PM
Post #92 of 114 (2082 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Longbow1415] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Where I did my first tandem, they had a garbage landfill not too far off the end of the runway. We taxied to one end and it just smelled horrible.

TI: "Do you smell that?"

Me: "Yeah, it's horrible"

TI: "You want to know what it is?"

Me: "sure"

TI: "It's the smell of fear... New pilot, first time taking off on a short grass runway, and the left flap is seized up. Welcome to our perfectly good airplane!"


DougH  (D License)

May 6, 2012, 5:00 PM
Post #93 of 114 (2006 views)
Shortcut
Re: Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

If some one says something "evil" they are going to get a talking to. If they do it again I am taking it up with the DZO.

This is about the student. Now joking and breaking the tension is fine, but scaring my student and get their head out of the game is a dick move. The students aren't impressed by you, get your ego boost some other way.

I like to joke in ways that makes my training stick. For example I tell them when we open the door wait for your instructor to look and then he will tell them to exit. I joke that we want to make sure we aren't over the sewage treatment plant, and I don't want to land in the lake again!


(This post was edited by DougH on May 6, 2012, 5:03 PM)


oldwomanc6

May 6, 2012, 8:42 PM
Post #94 of 114 (1961 views)
Shortcut
Re: [DougH] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
If some one says something "evil" they are going to get a talking to. If they do it again I am taking it up with the DZO.

This is about the student. Now joking and breaking the tension is fine, but scaring my student and get their head out of the game is a dick move. The students aren't impressed by you, get your ego boost some other way.

I like to joke in ways that makes my training stick. For example I tell them when we open the door wait for your instructor to look and then he will tell them to exit. I joke that we want to make sure we aren't over the sewage treatment plant, and I don't want to land in the lake again!

+1

I wonder how many people would come back and make another jump, except for a comment by cocky, arrogant, thoughtless jumper? Crazy

When I made my first jump, I thought for sure I was going to die. When and where I made my first jump, people were dying right and left (Elsinore, late -70s)

I didn't die (obviously), but the fear was very real. If someone had said any of the comments in this thread, I would have never made the jump.


(This post was edited by oldwomanc6 on May 6, 2012, 9:22 PM)


JohnMitchell  (D 6462)

May 7, 2012, 8:19 AM
Post #95 of 114 (1854 views)
Shortcut
Re: [oldwomanc6] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I like that some people think that funny= scaring the student. You can be humorous without freaking them out.

Or grossing them out, for all the farters on the plane. CrazyTongue


jdpml  (D 18680)

May 7, 2012, 6:52 PM
Post #96 of 114 (1747 views)
Shortcut
Re: [JohnMitchell] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

some years ago a friend of mine (t/i) was getting his passenger up the steps of a twin otter, we always say mind your head.
She on the top step looked at the video guy and smashed her head on the bar as she got on.
He sat down and got her belted in, then asked her how her head was.
She replied that no one had ever complained.
Thats a relaxed student.


JohnMitchell  (D 6462)

May 7, 2012, 10:50 PM
Post #97 of 114 (1701 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jdpml] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
He sat down and got her belted in, then asked her how her head was.
She replied that no one had ever complained.
Thats a relaxed student.
LaughLaugh

Now that's what I call "a keeper".Wink


ManagingPrime

May 8, 2012, 7:17 PM
Post #98 of 114 (1603 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Don't think I would classify it as evil, but my favorite right before exit when there is an obviously tense tandem next to me on a load is:

"Do you know what the difference between a Ferrari and an erection is?"

(Usually just get a blank scared stare back)

"Your tandem master doesn't have a Ferarri."

(exit when the look of fear turns to confusion)Angelic

Aside from that and the old (to the TM)..."One more and you get to jump by yourself, huh?" or when packing a tandem rig handing it off and saying "In theory it should work (with a smile).", I try to keep any talk of malfunctions, danger, etc. away from the tandems.


Georgeisgod  (D 28824)

Dec 10, 2012, 10:37 AM
Post #99 of 114 (965 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Best one i saw was
TM"Wanna play a game, it's called are you smarter then a skydiver. I'll ask 4 questions, get one wrong i disconnect one of the clips."


jtval  (D 26340)

Dec 10, 2012, 12:06 PM
Post #100 of 114 (930 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Georgeisgod] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

I've filmed a lot of tandems. (not a TM)

We joke with the students but my favorite is just after the student is strapped up I get the look on my face and say "OH MAN. WE ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU ONE LAST THING!!!"


Student: what's that?

Me/TM: HAVE FUN! (hi five, knuckles/handshake)

I only do stuff like this with Tm's that are solid and students that understand we are joking.


jrouse  (B 38781)

Dec 10, 2012, 12:49 PM
Post #101 of 114 (1110 views)
Shortcut
Re: [sunshine] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
I was being a practice student for someone working on their rating. The whole otter was full of tandems and for some reason we were going out first. Well as a joke i grabbed onto the bar and starting screaming "nooo" and screamed the whole time as the TM in training grabbed my arms and jumped out. I was told later that i really freaked out some of the tandem students.Smile

I know this one is many years old, but that is fucking hilarious!!


(This post was edited by jrouse on Dec 10, 2012, 1:00 PM)


Feeblemind  (D 28621)

Dec 10, 2012, 7:03 PM
Post #102 of 114 (1057 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

After the in plane interviews were completed a 50-60 Y/O female passenger looked to her TM and said "I don't care what happens when we leave this plane, I just want to get to the ground!" I turned to her and replied "Maam, I personally guarantee that after you exit this airplane you will get to the ground, one way or another!" Wink


(This post was edited by Feeblemind on Dec 10, 2012, 7:10 PM)


fencebuster  (D 29918)

Dec 10, 2012, 7:11 PM
Post #103 of 114 (1049 views)
Shortcut
Re: [jrouse] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

They pay for the ride up. If they choose not to jump, the dz still collects the fee and does not pay for a pack-job. I cannot understand why ANY dz would force a tandem passenger to leave the plane. The TI still gets paid. The video guy still gets paid. Why force a non-consenting student to jump? stupid, IMO.


Rover  (D 241)

Dec 10, 2012, 9:33 PM
Post #104 of 114 (1024 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

If everything goes wrong, the last thing up yor arse is going to be me.....Wink


ShcShc11  (A 15638)

Dec 10, 2012, 10:03 PM
Post #105 of 114 (1016 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Look to your left, look to your right.
One of your aren't going to make it tonight


normiss  (D 28356)

Dec 11, 2012, 6:21 AM
Post #106 of 114 (962 views)
Shortcut
Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Shoulder strap falls loose off of student...instructor across the isle says to the instructor "DUDE! What size harness did you get her??? Instructor looks at tag. S = Super size, XS = extra super size, L=Little.........om man, that's not gonna stay on on opening. Put your arms out straight over your head or you're gonna shoot out like a champagne cork!"


Or the "What's the difference between a Harley and a hard-on? I don't have a Harley!"

The tight end for the NY Jets that I took...when I got all the straps tight...."Now I know why they call you a tight end!"
He laughed his ass off.


I've seen plenty of funny ones, offensive ones, and downright rude and wrong. WE MUST be a good judge of the student when playing around like this.
To me, the most important ones, are the ones that are actually scared. I've had to walk away from jumpers being silly, told them to STOP in the boarding area and/or in the aircraft. Some students will not understand nor appreciate it.


TangBu  (C 102574)

Dec 11, 2012, 9:42 AM
Post #107 of 114 (924 views)
Shortcut
Re: [normiss] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Sometimes the unintentional ones are the funniest. I once saw a heavy set guy standing before his jump with a concerned look on his face, when his buddy asked him what was wrong. He replied that they were going back for a stronger rig!


npng  (A 12279)

Dec 12, 2012, 12:45 AM
Post #108 of 114 (863 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

If there's a "garbage" or "hop and pop" on the plane. Everyone just scream and yell;
"No no NO NOT YET NOOOOOOO!!!" As the guy jumps out.

Usually puts a priceless look on the first time jumper's face while he's waiting to get to the right altitude.


i29alphaa  (D 28475)

Dec 19, 2012, 11:49 AM
Post #109 of 114 (669 views)
Shortcut
Re: [Cepheus] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

If I do good on this one, I get to go by myself on the next one.


(This post was edited by i29alphaa on Dec 19, 2012, 11:50 AM)
Attachments: image.jpg (47.0 KB)


normiss  (D 28356)

Dec 19, 2012, 12:56 PM
Post #110 of 114 (641 views)
Shortcut
Re: [i29alphaa] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Right up there with calling out the next student .....
"I just wanted to meet you and say hello, if I don't screw this up, you're next!"


raff

Dec 19, 2012, 5:13 PM
Post #111 of 114 (599 views)
Shortcut
Re: [normiss] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Very worked up 14 year old asks me, as I am gearing up her mom: "What are the chances my Mom will die?" "100%", I told her. I let the horror sink in, and then said, "It just won't be today."


Bignugget  (A License)

Dec 19, 2012, 5:24 PM
Post #112 of 114 (594 views)
Shortcut
Re: [raff] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Hahahah, great thread.

I am a serious noobie, 15 jumps. But, since I have been hanging at the DZ every possible open moment since I took my AFF class, I get to hear the tandems gearing up every time (its just a small 182 dz).

Man it makes me laugh.

Some of my favorites are

"Did we patch all the holes in that one?"

"Yea but we are out of duct tape now."

hahahah

or

"Let me see if I can find one thats still working."

rofl.

Now I agree that good judgement must be used and I can say from my limited exp. it is at my DZ.

From the TMs to the regular fun jumpers everyone has fun with the tandems that are having fun, and helps to reassure the nervous ones....one girl was in tears even before getting geared up.....she cried the entire time it was kinda funny, but no one was making jokes at her.

I have mentioned that it seems awfully cruel to tease the noobies like that but it really seems to be lighthearted and meant to help relax the tandems.

Personally I still tell others in the plane to relax and stuff, "Skydiving is fun!" its 99% for me though, to tell MYSELF to relax and have fun, just feels better to direct it at the guy with 500 jumps.

Anyways great thread I loved reading it.


BigMark  (D 17505)

Dec 19, 2012, 10:39 PM
Post #113 of 114 (557 views)
Shortcut
Re: [raff] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Very worked up 14 year old asks me, as I am gearing up her mom: "What are the chances my Mom will die?" "100%", I told her. I let the horror sink in, and then said, "It just won't be today."

Awesome!


gilead1  (D 26)

Dec 20, 2012, 12:05 AM
Post #114 of 114 (550 views)
Shortcut
Re: [BigMark] Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude... [In reply to] Can't Post

Personally, I don't like to freak out my students, I like them relaxed :)
but I like this one:
"I have to warn you: every student I had till now wants to marry my after the jump, That's include my mother... My dad does not talk to me since..."



Forums : Skydiving : Tandem Skydiving

 


Search for (options)