Forums: Community: Blue Skies - In Memory Of:
Fatality at Eloy (Dec. 30), Condolences for Cliff Heller (Apoil)

 

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itsmehere

Jan 16, 2007, 6:04 AM
Post #176 of 200 (7114 views)
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Re: [skyshark6] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Skyshark,
Cliff's cousin Cindy here. What beautiful pictures. Missing man formation -Frown
Thank you all, especially Jenn for a touching tribute to Cliff. I'm sure he's watching over you & the girls right now. Blue Skies Cliff I'll always love you & miss you too. Most of all I'll always remember you.


itsmehere

Jan 16, 2007, 6:36 AM
Post #177 of 200 (7106 views)
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Re: [jenp9k] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Jen,
The memorial (tribute) you did for Cliff was awesome. I looked at the pic's & they're beautiful. Is there any way I could get a copy of the video you're talking about? My thoughts & prayers are with you. PLEASE keep in touch with me. You are truly a wonderful person. Meeting you under the circumstances that we meet weren't ideal. What I can see you are a sweet & caring individual who truly loved my cousin Cliff & I know those feelings were mutual. It's going to take a long, long time before your pain eases, but know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

Love,
Cousin Cindy XOXOXO


sfc  (D 25628)

Jan 16, 2007, 7:17 AM
Post #178 of 200 (7095 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

You can download the tribute video from here

http://www.skydivingmovies.com/...estpass&id=bzkvr
or
here if you have a skydivingmovies login
http://www.skydivingmovies.com/...ion=file&id=5266

If you don't have it already you'll need to install this codec (xvid) http://www.xvidmovies.com/codec/
Funny thing about this codec, Cliff and I were chatting about movie downloads when I first met him and we agreed that this was the best codec out there for movies, seemed fitting to use it for this and it is af course the best.


(This post was edited by sfc on Jan 16, 2007, 7:26 AM)


marcorandazza  (A 38011)

Jan 16, 2007, 8:29 AM
Post #179 of 200 (7068 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Man, this video is awesome. Warning... if you thought you had "dealt with it" ... think again. I lost my shit after watching this.

Missing man formation (discussed earlier) is such an appropriate way to describe this. Cliff was my wingman - in every arena except at work... and when he started law school, he began taking that duty too.

I know that sorrow is part of the spectrum of human emotions, but I really wish I had gone the rest of my life without knowing what this feels like. Every fucking day... every fucking day... every FUCKING DAY.... something happens and I get that "Oh, I gotta call/email Cliff about this..." It only lasts for a nanosecond, and then reality punches me in the face.

At least he was a skydiver... these videos would have been kinda lame if he was into knitting or something like that.

I remember back when Cliff was "promoted" to being my best friend. We actually talked about it. He thought it was funny, and asked if he had to share the title with anyone.

Its something awesome when you just realize that one day, the guy you're hanging out with is the best friend you have. Its even cooler when you tell them that. It gets even cooler when you tell them that 10 years later.

Now I go through the list in my head of all my closest friends. I ask myself "so who is your best friend, NOW?"

And my answer is ... "I don't have one anymore." It should follow logic that someone should be it now, right? Shouldn't it be that whoever my "second best" friend was should step into the void?

I didn't realize that it doesn't work that way.

I just fucking don't have a best friend anymore.

This blows ass.


magnumruss

Jan 16, 2007, 8:39 AM
Post #180 of 200 (7065 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

i dreamt about cliff last night. he's probably been dominating my dreams lately (i haven't thought about anything else when i'm awake), but this particular dream was right before i woke up so i remembered it.

cliff asked if i'd seen the new video of him on here. he brought it up in the same way he would talk about a new movie or something.

i had the presence of mind to ask him what his password was (accessing the files on cliff's laptop has also been on my mind). he told me something and if it works i will officially shit myself.

it's weird enough that i woke up and found a new video on here. fuck. it is way to easy to make me cry lately.

the video is beautiful.

russ


itsmehere

Jan 16, 2007, 10:14 AM
Post #181 of 200 (7031 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

SFC,
I must be a moron Unsure I can't get the video to play. It goes to windows media player but nothing turns on. All I get is that damn little hour glass "HELP"


(This post was edited by itsmehere on Jan 16, 2007, 10:15 AM)


jenp9k  (A 47027)

Jan 16, 2007, 11:19 AM
Post #182 of 200 (7000 views)
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Re: [itsmehere] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Cindy please call me
Jen


jenp9k  (A 47027)

Jan 16, 2007, 11:26 AM
Post #183 of 200 (6993 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Simon,
I installed the codec and the newest Windows Media but it wont work for me either. Is this the same footage you are going to give to Doctor? He said he would put together a DVD for me so if so I wont worry about viewing this right now.


sfc  (D 25628)

Jan 16, 2007, 11:43 AM
Post #184 of 200 (6985 views)
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Re: [jenp9k] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

In reply to:
Simon,
I installed the codec and the newest Windows Media but it wont work for me either. Is this the same footage you are going to give to Doctor? He said he would put together a DVD for me so if so I wont worry about viewing this right now.

It is the same one, did you install the codec AFTER upgrading windows media player.
There are other players available as well, try this one instead http://www.bsplayer.com/


itsmehere

Jan 20, 2007, 8:24 PM
Post #185 of 200 (6848 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Simon (sfc),
I finally got the Cliff Memorial video to play thanx to bsplayer. OMG (oh my god) I'm still hysterical & I can't stop crying. This video is awesomeAngelic. I thought the tears had stopped, boy was I wrong. After seeing your video I totally lost it again. I saved it to my PC & hope that when ever I need to see Cliff I can go there & see it again & again & again. You did a GREAT job. Thank you sooooooooooooo much. You deserve props for thisWinkCool. I only wish Cliff was here to see it too!

Cliff's Cousin Cindy


(This post was edited by itsmehere on Jan 20, 2007, 8:26 PM)


sfc  (D 25628)

Jan 20, 2007, 10:03 PM
Post #186 of 200 (6828 views)
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Re: [itsmehere] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

The credit goes to the Doctor, he was the one who edited it, I just put it on-line, I'll show him your message.
Cliff did see part of the video, the section in the middle after the CLIFF banner roles in was what the Doctor made for him when he left Hollister to go to law school. I think he liked it.


redtwiga  (D 28131)

Jan 25, 2007, 9:11 AM
Post #187 of 200 (6726 views)
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Re: [sfc] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Another classic Cliff quote I just found in an old email:
"- Mayhem.
Mayhem is now my favorite felony. In stark contrast to its jovial post
modern usage(s) including but hardly limited to lending name to minor
regional skydiving festivals, the crime of mayhem is essentially maiming
with extreme prejudice. Maliciously cutting off another's limbs or severing
someone's tongue are mentioned explicitly in the California Penal Code. The
traditional common law defines it as permanently impairing another's ability
to defend himself. I make no apologies for the intrinsic gender bias of
common law judges. They wore powdered white wigs doncha know."

I miss the fuck out of you.
-A.


marcorandazza  (A 38011)

Jan 29, 2007, 4:57 AM
Post #188 of 200 (6660 views)
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Re: [redtwiga] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

My friend Dena (Esclava Rodriguez) came over this weekend. Cliff was her AFF instructor, and Cliff and I were Esclava's "Rodriguez Parents."

Anyhoo... I made Fish Head Curry for her and a few other guests. You havent seen pathetic until you see a guy holding a 5 pound grouper head, looking at it with tears in his eyes like it is motherfucking Yorick. Fortunately nobody noticed. Of course, I did not manage to hold it together for too much longer after that. (Yes, we ate the eyeballs).

I am now officially the only person who could ever burst into hysterical tears while watching a Jay and Silent Bob movie.

I watched Clerks II, and Dante and Randall are in a jail cell. the scene that got me is actually is up on youtube.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqr79X4zxpA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqr79X4zxpA .

Dantes character doesnt really remind me of Cliff at all, but I can certainly identify with Randall in this scene - and the two of them interact in a way that did remind me of Cliff and I.

The scene is really funny until about 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Thats where the tears started to well up. Of course, I just chanted in my head to myself I will not cry in front of a house full of people while watching FUCKING CLERKS II.

About 60 seconds later, I totally exploded. And yeah, Cliff and I never planned to open a convenience store together, but there was this plan that I would drag him into the porn law business eventually, and spend the rest of my life working with my best friend.

Fuckin Kevin Smith. Frown

"I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me."

"But you were always the counter balance to that... The yin to my yang"



(This post was edited by marcorandazza on Jan 29, 2007, 5:16 AM)


redtwiga  (D 28131)

Feb 3, 2007, 7:36 PM
Post #189 of 200 (6544 views)
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Re: [marcorandazza] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

The day that Cliff died I had my first tandem cutaway. I broke my foot this year and said goodbye to many friends. A dear friend recently broke his back too. After hearing about Cliff I just couldn't jump anymore. I needed some time to figure this whole deal out. I missed Cliff's memorial jumps and ash dive.

Finally, today, I got back in the air for the first time since Cliff's death. I'm not done with skydiving yet it seems. I brought Cliff with me on the jump and maintained the ginormous goofy grin he always had jumping. I miss him deeply and haven't worked through all the emotions by a long shot.

Today was good. Today I remembered why we do this and why it's ok that Cliff died. Please don't take that the wrong way. I'd do just about anything to turn back the clock and change that day, but, through skydiving, I'll always be able to hang out with my dear friend.


monkycndo  (D License)

Feb 3, 2007, 8:08 PM
Post #190 of 200 (6532 views)
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Re: [redtwiga] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

NorCal has had a tough year. Glad you got back in the air. Cliff would be proud.


Feeblemind  (D 28621)

Feb 3, 2007, 10:13 PM
Post #191 of 200 (6519 views)
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Re: [redtwiga] Ash dive yesterday [In reply to] Can't Post

Hey,

Glad to know you were thinking of Cliff today, as I was driving out to the DZ today Cliff was on my mind. I am more than a bit irritated he is not there to argue with anymore. I just hope folks will learn from the incident that took his life. Today as I was landing and someone decided to pull a downwind swoop. Needless to say I was more than a little bit irritated. I took a few deep breathe and waited a bit to talk to the ST and A. He promptly advised me he had discussed the landing with the individual.

Lets all use or heads:
Gear Check (full!!)
Board
1,000 feet
Gear check (i.e. check your handles)
Give eveyone a high 5 at 10,000
Gear check (i.e. check your handles)
Spot
Jump
Fly
Deploy
Land
Repeat


Stay safe my friends


redtwiga  (D 28131)

Jun 25, 2007, 12:50 PM
Post #192 of 200 (6208 views)
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6 months [In reply to] Can't Post

A wee excerpt from an email to Cliff's brother this morning:

So, I realized this morning that it has already been 6 months since Cliff's death. I can't believe it's been that long. I still think about him daily, usually many times each day. I don't know when it gets less horrible. I had a dream a few weeks ago. I was in a huge sports arena and I saw Cliff sitting on the cement steps between the bleachers with Jen sitting between his legs. She was telling him how angry she would be for fucking with her that way if she wasn't so ridiculously happy he was alive. They never saw me, but just seeing Cliff was enough and I felt a lightness in my heart that I haven't felt since Cliff went in. I guess I've grown used to it because as soon as I woke up the weight came back and it was and is terrible and I recognized it but it was surprising. It was one of those dreams where you're not sure when you wake up if it's reality that just happened or dream. I just want to see him again. I don't have to talk to him, or need him to see me, I just want to see him again, that's all.

A friend came out to visit Friday and I in Ohio a few months ago. I did a few jumps with him and we each kept one on account for the next visit. That week the truck he was working on fell on him and crushed and killed him. I did his last jumps with him and they were great. I was incredibly lucky to have that time to spend with him before he died. As horrible as it is that Vince died, I am filled with relief that it was not skydiving. It has been hard enough getting back in the air since Cliff's accident, I fear another skydiving related death so close to the others would have kept me from the skies for good. It also helped me realize yet again...is that re-realize?...that we can die doing anything and freak accidents happen all the time, so do what you love because there is nothing else, and you owe it to the dead.

Anyway, I just wanted to spread some love to all you special, beautiful people. Yes, special. Like short bus. That's right.

Love you. Love you Cliff. Love you Vince. Love you Wally. Love you Shannon. Love you Dazia. Forever.


scottjaco

Jun 29, 2007, 5:49 AM
Post #193 of 200 (6101 views)
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Re: [redtwiga] 6 months [In reply to] Can't Post

That was a nice letter. If Id had a dream like that, I would have been in tears after I awoke.

I really hope that others who have been scared away from the sport because of that tragic weekend at Eloy will remember what they love about skydiving and perhaps give it a second chance.

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my feelings related to Cliff, Tom & Jay. It was the responses I received from other skydivers that helped inspire me to get back in the air.

I hope you can heal from this, and I know it takes time. I do believe that your friend would want you to move past this.

People say that you will feel differently about the sport when you experience an event like this. Its true, but ironically I dont feel jaded. I feel better because Ive seen the worst and I have overcome my fear. Its given me a sense of peace, like a new chapter has started.


agent_lead  (D 29342)

Aug 30, 2007, 11:56 AM
Post #194 of 200 (5710 views)
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Re: [marcorandazza] The Funeral [In reply to] Can't Post

wow @ this thread...i remember reading the article in the staten island advance back in jan and wondering why i didnt know him..as there are only a small handfull of skydivers who live here..we should have met up at some point..

regardless of the fact that i never met him...i feel like i knew him for years after reading thru this entire thread...

sounds like we lost one of the good ones...the really good ones...

my condolences to all of his family and friends and anyone whos life he has touched in any way


blue skies brother...blue skies..

-agent


jenp9k  (A 47027)

Sep 1, 2007, 2:41 PM
Post #195 of 200 (5612 views)
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Re: [agent_lead] The Funeral [In reply to] Can't Post

Wow Agent!
You read through all this? Cliff is still so loved and missed. Thank you for taking the time. I'll pass your post on to his family.
Jen


marcorandazza  (A 38011)

Jan 3, 2008, 3:09 PM
Post #196 of 200 (5086 views)
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A year later [In reply to] Can't Post

Cliff, i found your Redwing boots.. I was using them for motorcycling, but man, those things suck!

Oh yeah, and "they" say time heals all wounds...

thats fucking bullshit. I dont feel any better today than I did a year ago.

New Years used to be my favorite holiday.... now it is just "the day I stopped having a best friend." I didnt even bother to leave the house because I didnt want to be a downer at anyone else's party.


murps2000  (D 23114)

Jan 12, 2008, 6:27 PM
Post #197 of 200 (4748 views)
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Re: [marcorandazza] A year later [In reply to] Can't Post

New Years used to be my favorite holiday.... now it is just "the day I stopped having a best friend." I didnt even bother to leave the house because I didnt want to be a downer at anyone else's party.

Man! Cliff was your best friend..?

LUCKY...

Easier said than done, i know, but try to think of it that way if you ever can.

Especially if you have what I've come to regard as "Cliff moments". It's when you see or experience something in life that you find strangely hilarious, but there's no one to tell because Cliff was the only one who had a sophisticated enough sense of humor to get it. I wasn't fortunate enough to know Cliff as long as many others, but I'm surprised at how frequent these moments are for me.

Keep your head up, bro. We all miss him.


marcorandazza  (A 38011)

May 10, 2008, 3:16 PM
Post #198 of 200 (4238 views)
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Re: [murps2000] A year later [In reply to] Can't Post

Okay... here is a funny story.

I'm getting married next weekend. Cliff was supposed to be my best man. (My current best man was supposed to be godfather of my kids).

So I'm planning my bachelor party... which isn't going to be the same. I invited my fiancee's dad. She says "well, I guess that is okay... it isn't like there are going to be whores at the party."

And I fuckin burst into tears saying "no, my whoring buddy is dead...."

Well... on the up-side... I finally figured out what to do with his ashes. I am having a flask engraved with: the usual, name, date of birth, date of merge with the infinite... but also with "Rest in Slack" and "Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away. He hates that" on it.

And... one of the up-sides to Cliff dying... his best friend in law school, Ryan and I have gotten pretty close since Dec. 30. I've asked Ryan to come to my wedding and take Cliff's seat. He'll have that flask in his pocket throughout the ceremony.

My whoring buddy is dead...... that would sound so fuckin FUNNY if it was in a book or a movie. Fuckin sucks when it is in your actual life....


fueler  (D License)

Jul 13, 2008, 10:44 PM
Post #199 of 200 (3939 views)
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Re: [marcorandazza] A year later [In reply to] Can't Post

I've been thinking of you lately Cliffy....i havent made a skyjump in months and its starting to piss me off. What the was the name of that really demented japanese movie again?? I've drank a crap load of your least favorite beer tonight. I'll catch up with you later....


redtwiga  (D 28131)

Jan 1, 2009, 2:45 PM
Post #200 of 200 (3447 views)
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Re: [marcorandazza] Fatality at Eloy (Dec. 30), Condolences for Cliff Heller (Apoil) [In reply to] Can't Post

Missing you always...
When does it become anything less than unbelievable?


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